


Nina, the #1 Kanej Shipper

by AgentSmythe22



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Kaz Inej and Jesper were childhood friends, Kaz and Inej run a blackmailing system, M/M, Matthias is the reluctant accomplice, Nina/food, focused on the crew too, not purely kanej interactions, there's a crow pillow pet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-06
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2018-10-17 12:03:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10593633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentSmythe22/pseuds/AgentSmythe22
Summary: It's college time. Kaz and Inej share an apartment and no weird, awkward things occur. No boy/girl roommate blunders, no sick-got-to-take-care-of-each-other moments, and not even a proper childhood friend crush trope was completed in the making of the friendship between Kaz Brekker and Inej Ghafa. They live in complete harmony.Nina sees this as an injustice.She makes the decision to take matters into her own hands. She makes Matthias her accomplice and becomes the mastermind of a very intricate plan in order to make Kanej canon.She involves Jesper and Wylan as her informants and spies.Bets are made, and hearts will be broken. But will it be Kaz's, Inej's, or Nina's shipper heart?





	1. Matchmaker Initiate

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ShoshanaLi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShoshanaLi/gifts).



> Hey y'all, so this is my first fic, please tell me what you think of it! It may or may not have an actual plot. I'm not sure, it depends on what I feel like and what you guys think. Gifted it to @ShoshanaLi, a fellow SoC fangirl, she beta-ed this and is just an awesome friend. Enjoy!

Nina stomps across campus in frustration, munching on a lovely French pastry as she goes.

“The typical story between girl/boy roommates is the one where they always,  _ always _ end up together,” she begins. “I mean, it's a cliche at this point!”

Matthias calmly keeps up with her rapid strides at a leisurely stroll. He has his hands in his pockets and gives Nina the appropriate, occasional nod.

“At first, it may be rocky as hell. I mean, it’s certainly hell for everyone for said roommates,” she mumbles furiously, crumbs flying everywhere. There are a few specks of pastry on her face.

Matthias hasn’t been listening for the past few minutes, but the crumbs grab his attention. They're cute, he decides.

“But then, something happens between the roommates, and they live in harmony.” Nina gives a little flourishing hand movement which Matthias is fairly sure is supposed to represent the harmony thing. “Then it’s a constant cycle of hate,” Nina takes a harsh bite of the treat, “and love,” she takes a much more gentle bite, and winks at Matthias, “hate,” another tearing bite, “and love,” a tender, loving bite. Nina gestures a lot with what’s left of her pastry and takes another, far more casual munch. “And during this process, of course, there are various awkward moments like getting caught changing, bringing home someone else, awkward walk-ins, the casual movie night where they fall asleep on each other, domestic moments, cute stuff like that! And then, they miraculously end up together, and oh, look at that, they share a bed.” She finishes the French pastry.

She stops walking and looks at Matthias. Matthias stops and looks at Nina. She raises her eyebrows as if to suggest that Matthias is supposed to respond to that. 

“Uh, I guess,” he says with a shrug. “Who are we talking about, exactly?”

Nina’s hand shoots out and slaps his arm with much more force than anyone would expect from an adorable, pastry-loving girl. But, then, Nina is always defying expectations, and anyone who thinks her to be some delicate flower is in for a surprise.

Nina scowls at him as if he's being dense (but really, how is he supposed to know?) and exclaims, “Kaz and Inej, you idiot!” 

Matthias frowns. “But they aren’t together.”

Nina throws her hands in the air, exasperated. “EXACTLY!” 

“But they both appreciate and respect each other immensely.”

Nina nods vigorously, “Yes! And they go on walks and go to the Chinese places -that are holes in the wall- together.” She elbows Matthias. “Just.”  _ Elbow _ . “Like.”  _ Elbow _ ,  _ elbow _ . “Us. A _couple_.”

Matthias’ eyebrows furrow together. “Sure, they walk each other to classes and study together.” A pause. Nina raises her eyebrows. “Like  friends," he says simply. 

Nina’s shoulder sag. “But do  _ friends _ stay in contact with each other every moment of the day?”

“But Kaz and Inej don’t. Most people don’t ever see them doing things together, but for whatever reason, everyone knows that they are really close... is friends even the right word to describe them?”

“Matthias, honey, that’s beside the point! Why do you take me to fancy restaurants and buy me food?”

“Because I like you?”

“Yes, and don’t sound so hesitant.” 

“But Inej and Kaz don’t go to fancy restaurants.” 

“Nooo, but they go to weird places where only people who are comfortable with each other would go to. Like McDonald's!” 

“Friends can go to McDonald’s together.” 

“Not the point! Most people who are ‘just friends’ don’t sync like they do.”

“...Okay? But back to the beginning? We,” Matthias gestures in the space between himself and Nina, “room together.”

“Exactly! And now  _ we _ are a couple!  _ We _ are dating each other! For pastry’s sake, I’m your girlfriend!” Nina’s hands fly upwards again in frustration. Matthias blushes at the word “girlfriend,” causing Nina to pause long enough to cast him a fond smile. “Stop being a teenage girl for a moment. I need to get a point across.” 

Matthias rolls his eyes. “What could you possibly be trying to tell me in riddles? That Kaz and Inej walk to classes, go to noodle shops and pizzeras, make milk runs at three in the morning, gets each other’s work when they miss class, and sit in weirdly, comfortably strange places together?”

“Doesn't that seem a little bit odd for ‘just friends’ to you, Matthias?” she wheedles.

“They're  _ really  _ good friends.”

“Well, they also stand up for each other--even though both of them are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves,” Nina adds and then starts to walk off without Matthias, again. “Can you think of anything else that those two weirdos do together?” 

“Okay. Well,” Matthias thinks for a moment. It is less a matter of coming up with something and more trying to remember all of it; those two do a lot of weird (and possibly very illegal things) together. “Inej and Kaz know each other like the back of their own hands--probably better than they know themselves even, I suppose.”

An encouraging nod from Nina.

“And they would do anything for each other even if the other refuses to accept it,” Matthias continues, gaining confidence. “Like ice cream cake Kaz stole and Inej refused to eat it. She even had the nerve to give it to the first kid she saw on the street.” 

Nina rolls her eyes. She’s all too aware of Inej’s noble tendencies. Inej had harbored an Egyptian cat, a Siberian husky, and an injured  _ teenager _ in their shared dorm back in freshman year of college--all at the same time. Inej was too damned good at hiding that teen, too. It had taken too long for Nina to realize that the milk kept disappearing because they had a “guest” who was drinking it and not because she was guzzling it in her sleep.

Matthias was still going. “Kaz is a real pushover when it comes to Inej. He’ll make sure that everyone knows about Inej’s birthday one way or another because he knows it makes her feel like she’s at home. He doesn’t give us the time of day when it’s our birthdays.” Matthias frowns and adds, “He still acts like I'm not an American citizen.”

Nina snorts. Kaz always manages to slip in a sly remark about Matthias’ Russian accent and “Nordic lifestyle.” Matthias is Russian, but he grew up in Scandinavia. So he has a unique mix of family traditions that Kaz pokes fun at just to rile Matthias up.  

“He even used his own damned money to buy Inej some new high-quality, gymnast stuff.” (That particular incident had been almost painfully adorable, as far as Nina is concerned.) “He never spends a penny unless it's wholly practical. Damned cheap.”

Matthias shakes his head vigorously, and Nina laughs affectionately. She remembers one time that Inej had been a dollar short to buy an ice cream cone, and Kaz gave her a whole, whopping $20 bill. But then, not five minutes later, Matthias had needed a few cents to get his own cone, and Kaz had looked him dead in the eyes and said, loud and clear, “No, that wouldn't be  the Russian way.” 

Matthias had almost whallopped Kaz right there on a Sunday morning with passing elders getting flowers for church. Matthias was roaring with “the hell does that mean" and “say that again you cheap ass” and etc. It was a good day for employees. It was quite the show. 

Matthias begins to walk faster as if driven by his oncoming realization. “Inej ensures that no one knows where Kaz was even born because Kaz doesn’t want anyone to know--only Djel who knows why, and Inej once scaled a hospital building to bust Kaz out because he hates hospitals, and two months after that, Kaz carried Inej three miles to said hospital because she broke her knee and there weren't any taxis available.” He stops for breath."That’s all their weird habits, quirks, and history. What was the point of that?"

Nina lets all of that sink in with a smug look on her face. Matthias is staring at her, awaiting a response, and her smugness increases tenfold when she practically sees the gears grinding away in Matthias’ head. 

And then, it truly hits him. 

“Holy--!” Matthias stops walking.

“Yeah.” Nina nods sagely. 

“They--!” His hands fly to his head, mouth falling agape. 

“Uh huuh.”

“Inej and Kaz--!” He stares. 

“Yep.”

“They do--!” Matthias looks back at Nina in shock.

“Yes.” 

“Kaz and Inej are--?” 

“Yes. Okay, this is getting old, love.” Matthias’ surprise morphs into one of his infamous, puppy-scaring scowls. “Now are you or are you not going to help me get them together?” She has the same look like when she hustles some pastry stand into giving her a few scones to her for free.

Matthias freezes and squints at her suspiciously.

“So this your plan all along, little red bird?”


	2. Apartment Analysis

If one were to walk into Inej and Kaz’s apartment, they would both be astonished and extremely baffled. It’s like a dark wonderland turned playground: a mix of gothic evil and a kid’s dreamland. The living area is dead ahead from the front door, and to the right is a small, simple kitchen area. A hammock hangs from the cross beams in the living area, swinging merrily whenever someone sits on it. Scatter across the room are a shocking number of bean bags and blankets and too many dubious-looking knapsacks. An assortment of rather beautiful paintings rest on the windowsills, somewhat obscuring the admittedly poor view; the side of the building next door obscures any true scenery, but the little strip of sky visible above is enough.

In the kitchen, there are a few too many takeout menus cluttering the counter, too many dishes in the sink, and an overabundance of snacks.

There are two bedrooms, one on either side of the apartment. The room on the left is instantly recognizable as Kaz’s; that door is always closed--and locked, too. The lock at first appears to be ordinary enough, but the football team had once taken bets on who could break down the door. No one had succeeded, not even after a great deal of banging on the door accompanied by vigorous swearing. The whole thing had been thoroughly amusing, and Inej had made lots of money that day. How foolish it was for those dunderheads to have thought that blackmailer Kaz wouldn’t think to safeguard his room.

As for what's actually inside Kaz’s room? Well, if that information was intended to be shared, then that lock wouldn't really be necessary, now would it?

By contrast, Inej’s door is always open.

Inej often hung out on the cross beams in the living area. She somehow managed to hang her hammock up there. When people hear Inej talk about her hammock, they don’t consider a hammock that hangs six feet off the floor from the rafts. The strings and the rafters the hammock hangs off of always creaks and moans whenever Inej swings it back and forth, but it’s a part of the charm. She made sure to sailor knot that thing. She sleeps in that hammock more than she does in her own bed. College essays were born in that hammock.

Inej sort of has a secret base on the roof. The landlady doesn’t technically allow anyone on top of the apartment building due to liability issues and the like, but Inej, naturally, had found a way. The fire escape was the most logical route, though that particular path required a few (or a lot) of jumping and balancing tricks. Depending on the weather, Inej will camp out on the rooftop as an alternate work spot: hammock during the day, and rooftop at night. She loves the open air on her skin; it keeps her awake through the college cram sessions and miserable essay hours.

If the rafters in the living area and rooftop are Inej’s natural home and kingdom, then the cold, marble counter is Kaz’s pillow. Kaz gladly takes the counter as his sleeping area for college work. He pretends that he falls asleep working instead of just sleeping on the couch so he can sleep in the same room as Inej. Her presence calms and grounds him, allowing him to sleep somewhat peacefully. He’d never tell anyone, and certainly not Inej herself, but he fears being alone more than anything. Kaz chooses a sore back for the entire semester rather than having Inej think he needs her. He lets his pride trump his sore back.

Inej always places a crow pillow pet underneath him sometime during the night. The black covering of the pillow is fuzzy and softened from time and use, and Kaz is fairly sure that something about the thing’s beak is vaguely _smiley_.

One time, Kaz had woken up in the night and seen Inej walking silently around the apartment. She had been doing trivial little things like grabbing the various ramen cups around the apartment and balancing spoons on top of the already precarious stack of dirty dishes in the sink. Kaz had watched her watch the sunrise that morning, too. He was sneaky about watching her... In the least creepy way possible.

Currently, Kaz and Inej are planning out their week in the living room. Inej sways back and forth in her hammock above Kaz, who is sitting comfortably with his legs sprawled out in front of him. He’s surrounded by various papers ranging from maps to background checks to photographs spread out in a circle around him. Recently, their blackmail business has been quite busy; last month they had five jobs, and this month they have twelve.

With the average amount of jobs they get each month, they manage to squeak by each month. Most of the clientele are broke college students, and they themselves are college students who need to pay rent and buy food. But! Some clients are from rich families, so they have trust funds to burn through. Why not spend it blackmailing their teachers and social opponents?

In all honesty, Inej didn't think the blackmail business would succeed. Who _really_ wants to blackmail their teachers or social contenders? Wouldn't they rather do the work themselves or something? Well, there is one main reason why Kaz has been so successful for most of his life: he never underestimates the greed of humans. There will always be someone who wants the dirt on someone else. Without a doubt.

“Inej, are you busy tonight?” Kaz asks while analyzing the potential jobs, thinking about who and how to blackmail particular persons.

Inej pauses while writing her essay, surprised.  “I was planning to go out with Nina to check out the new bakery out on 54th.”

“Excellent, so you can either hack Heather Danjer's social media or find something out on her regarding Danica Ferdo’s boyfriend. Danica is concerned that her boyfriend, Christian Thone, is cheating on her,” Kaz says with a dry, unimpressed voice. Half of their cases are similar to this. He flips a couple papers over and then back. “Make sure Wylan knows that I need some more lock poxy; I’m going to break into another apartment today. Have him drop it off here after his chemistry class.”

Inej nods to herself and rolls gracefully out of the hammock, landing onto her feet. She settles to the ground a foot away from Kaz's masses of paper, and not a sheet rustles due to her landing. Kaz’s eyes flicker up to her for the briefest of seconds, but he averts his gaze as she walks behind him to see the information he has dug up.

She looks over Kaz’s shoulders at the files laid out for her observation. Headshots and pictures of the Heather, Christian, and Danica are displayed. There are some papers with some general information about their reputations and such.

“So Heather thinks Christian is cheating on her with Danica? Lame,” Inej says unimpressed. She reaches over his shoulder and reaches for the sheets.

Kaz’s grip on some photos tenses due to their close proximity. Inej’s tightly braided hair brushes his shoulder for a split second. He can see the lightest of scars on her fingers from her childhood. He wonders if they’re bumpy scars or just light marks.

Inej takes the papers and walks to the counter to --Kaz guesses-- to order some takeout for them. Kaz releases a breath as she walks away. He releases his death grip on the photos. He blinks a few times before he continues to analyze the data in front of him.

While he scrutinizes the facts in front of him, Kaz’s mind starts to wander off to his stomach. What food will Inej order? He sort of wants Chinese tonight. He wants that flavorful fried rice and the scallion pancakes. Last time he had scallion pancakes, it was Inej’s birthday. That was a little bit over four and a half months ago. She loves Chinese cuisine. They had went to their favorite udon place in the city. It was a hole in the wall place, but the udon was renowned among true noodle lovers. Kaz and Inej had made it their unspoken mission to critique and visit all the hole-in-the-wall places in the city. Inej’s love for food and Kaz’s love for h-

“Hey, do you want to try that new taco place that opened up? I kind of want some tacos for lunch,” Inej asks.

Kaz looks up from the blackmail content to meet her gaze. Her lips are turned upwards in the smallest of smiles. She loves trying new places.

Kaz really wants that Chinese takeout inside his little domain. He also has a lot of planning to do. He needs to figure out how to acquire some files from a student-teacher affair for a third party to use as blackmail. He has to stay in if he wants to get his work done. He remembers all of a sudden of a blank document that’s due at 11:59 that has Kaz’s name on it too. And just his name on it.

But _that_ smile. He caves.

“What time?” he says curtly. He forces his eyes back to the sphere of papers he’s created around himself. Business comes first. “I have a small time frame to acquire some things from Danjer’s apartment.”

Inej’s smile fades away. She looks away from Kaz’s hunched over form and towards the landscape painting on the right wall. “It’s the middle ground between the boyfriend’s apartment and Danjer’s. We could split up after tacos, say about 14:10? Wylan’s class is done by then.”

Kaz nods without looking up. “Good. Don’t forget to hack the social accounts.” He resumes his blackmailing plans.

No acknowledgment from Inej. He can only assume that she’s memorizing the general facts of the case.

Ten minutes pass. He could have sworn that Inej remained at the counter studying the papers, but when he looked up after giving into his curiosity, she was gone.


	3. A Plan Was Made

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A plan was made. Or at least an attempt was made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have the knowledge to accurately and tacitly write a gambling addiction, so I've portrayed Jesper's interest in betting as more lighthearted and less all-consuming type of thing. 
> 
> Thank you all for the comments and kudos, they really motivate me to write and update faster! Love you all! Enjoy!

It is three in the afternoon, and Nina and Matthias are currently dying in the library.

“I swear the librarians are sadistic extremists,” Nina drawls out as she squishes her face against the somewhat cool wooden table. She looks longingly towards the vending machines and water fountains. That area is lit as if it were heaven's gates.

Matthias grunts in agreement as he buries his face in the crooks of his elbows.

The couple sits across the table from one another, various empty bottles scattered around them. Both young people have beads of sweat along their brows and coating their bodies in a thin layer. Apparently, the librarians had thought it was a good idea to not turn on the AC on this unpleasantly hot day. 

Nina curses them. 

While she plots the librarians’ possible misfortunes, her stomach begins to quietly growl. Perhaps a chilling ice cream would satisfy the beast. 

Nina wonders how long it would take to get her hands on some ice cream. Maybe she could get Matthias to get it for her--you know, boyfriend and all. She could get him to get her a triple scoop of rocky road, chocolate mint chip, and cookies and cream topped with chocolate sprinkles, chocolate syrup, and a cherry, all piled into a chocolate drizzled, sprinkle covered waffle cone. In a word: heaven.

But oh, she remembers the last time when she had sent Matthias to get her ice cream. He forgot the triple scoop part. It had been thoroughly disappointing. Ice cream is serious business.

Nina sighs in defeat. If only Inej were here; she’d get Nina’s dream ice cream cone in no time.

Nina’s phone buzzes, and she feels its vibration as it rests on her cheek. Nina is convinced that this is the prime position for her phone during times of boiling temperature because it minimizes the energy and effort required to reach her phone for any notification. 

She reaches for it slowly and rests it on its side in front of her face.

She’s received a text from Inej, speak of the devil.  _ Can we reschedule the trip to the bakery for tomorrow night? _

Nina groans again and turns her face so her forehead touches the table.

A muffled “What?” comes from Matthias.

“Inej wants to go to the bakery tomorrow and not tonight,” Nina says in a whine. 

Nina types back,  _ You traitor, why? _

Inej immediately responds with,  _ Kaz needs me to do some work _ .

“Oooooh, she’s done it now!” Nina exclaims and sits up, all previous exhaustion suddenly miraculously overcome. “She picked Kaz over me, again!”

Matthias peaks up to look at her for a second. “Doesn’t she always?”

Nina ignores his remark, “But it’s work over  _ food _ !” 

Matthias repeats what he had previously said.

“Whatever! Beside the point, I think it’s a good time to start our plan.” Nina grins maliciously. 

“What plan?” He sticks his head back into the crook of his arms.

“The plan to get Kaz and Inej together!” She places her head on top of her crossed arms to gaze at Matthias. The sunlight and shadows from the trees outside dance across the soft planes of his hunched over form. Nina hums as she focuses on his biceps. 

A pause. A muffled, “There was a plan?” comes from Matthias.

“Well... No. But!-- that’s why we’re going to come up with a plan.” Matthias lifts his head off of his arms to properly give Nina an unimpressed look. “Right uh, now. Right now.” Nina pokes at Matthias arms to make him sit up. 

He retreats back into his muscled arms. “No. It’s too hot to think of such ridiculous things.”

Nina pokes more fiercely. “But it’s ridiculous. She keeps picking work over me, her best friend.” Nina gestures to herself.

“Well, wouldn’t Kaz be her best friend before you? He’s around her, like, five times more than you are.” 

Nina slaps his arm. “Irrelevant! He’s supposed to be her perfect boyfriend!” Matthias cringes at that word. Nina pauses to imagine Kaz as the cliched image of a boyfriend. Neither of them can imagine it. “Okay, okay.” Nina waves her hand as if to sweep the idea away. “Fine, not a boyfriend, but a romantic friend, better?” A nod. “Good, I like that too. Now, what can we do to get them together? Pull the classic move of scheduling to meet up somewhere but none of us do and then it’s just the two of them?” 

Matthias rolls his eyes. “You might as well lock them in a room together. Oh wait, that’s called their apartment,” Matthias says in the least interested voice.

“Movie date?”

“They do it already.”

“Coffee date?”

“Every Thursday.”

“Fancy dinner?”

“Neither of them will spend the money on something like that.”

“Okay, maybe we could bring them on a double date like that one time when--”

Matthias’s gaze jerks towards Nina’s left, a signal to stop talking. Nina’s voice immediately dies down. Then, an arm hooks around Nina’s shoulders as said person plops down in the seat next to her. 

“Nina! My favorite!” Jesper says sweetly as he pulls her to his side. 

Nina looks at Wylan who politely pulls out the chair next to Matthias. (He’s almost always polite, that kid.) He gives her a small smile. She ignores the doofus next to her to give Wylan a big grin.

“Wylan, how have you been? How was chemistry class? Blow any more stuff up?” Nina says as she props her chin on her hand. 

Wylan’s eyes glitter and he launches into a long, detailed account of how he has discovered that two chemicals do some weird shit together and he’s going to tamper with it some more during next lab period. He wants to figure out how to control the reaction. Apparently, his professors are pyromaniacs themselves, so they allow Wylan’s curiosity in spite of (or perhaps because of) the destruction that sometimes ensues.

Jesper pouts beside her as he is pointedly ignored. He retracts his arm and gives Wylan a sidelong gaze. He loves when Wylan talks about chemistry. Wylan is always so animate with his hands and his entire posture changes into one of an excited five year old.

Once Wylan is done explaining his chemistry adventure, he sighs with enthusiastic happiness and looks at Jesper. Nina could have cooed; the two of them were so adorable.

Jesper leans back in his chair and folds his arms behind his head, attempting to be suave. (He’s about as smooth as splintered wood.) “So, what was this plan that you were discussing before?” he asks.

“Nina wants to get Inej and Kaz together,” Matthias states without hesitation.

Nina looks betrayed. “You just -- _ no! _ They’ll tell Kaz and Inej that we’re planning! And then they’ll never get together!” Nina cries out in anguish. She flops onto the table dramatically, then frowns and flicks a bead of sweat off of her arm in Matthias’ direction.

Matthias folds his arms. 

“We weren’t going to tattle on you two; actually, we want to include you both in a little thing we have going on,” Jesper retorts and gestures in the space between Wylan and himself. He rocks back and forth in an attempt to balance his chair on the two back legs. He thinks he oozes confidence. 

Matthias raises an eyebrow. “What?” Matthias says almost disgusted. He looks Jesper up and down with disdain. “We refuse to be take part in your kinky relationship.”

Jesper falls backwards out of his chair, sputtering and covering his face with his hands. Wylan chokes and turns beet red. 

They all remember the time where the marks on Jesper’s wrists were in fact  _ not _ from hair tie marks due to his new sudden interest in hair ties. Recently, Jesper had gotten drunk from losing a bet and told the crew that it was in fact because of a new thing that he and Wylan were trying out in the bedroom.  Suffice it to say that no one ever looked at pure, good ol’ Wylan in same way again. 

Nina cackles throughout this entire exchange and raises a hand for Matthias to high five. Matthias shakes his head, but nonetheless gives her one with a small smile.

“Jesper and I have a  _ bet _ , and he wants to make the betting pool a bit bigger,” Wylan clarifies. 

Nina rolls  _ her _ eyes, and shakes her head at the unmoving, ashamed form on the ground. “Jesper, honey, you are atrocious at betting. What possibly could this bet be about? You even roped Wylan in, and Wylan never takes you on in your little bets. If he did, you’d be broke!” 

Unlike Nina, Matthias looks amused. He is familiar with Jesper’s poor gambling skills. Perhaps he can get something out of this. “Alright, I’ll bite. Wylan, what’s the bet you finally took part in?”

“If and when Inej and Kaz get together, who will make the first move, Inej or Kaz?” Wylan asks with a smirk. It’s like Wylan expects the crowd to look at one another and  _ ooh _ and  _ aah _ , astonished. 

Nina looks at Matthias, and Matthias looks at Nina, both unimpressed.

“Kaz,” they say in unison. 

“What? Really?” Wylan’s posture slumps and his hands raised in disbelief. 

“Yes.”

“Yeppers.”

“Why?” Wylan looks at them, appalled. 

“Inej will never realize her feelings for Kaz. Kaz is a little ball of repressed feelings. Inej is the densest block of cheese you’ll ever meet. Kaz is all business. Inej is completely unaware of Kaz’s feelings for her. Kaz is pining. Kaz spends money on Inej. Kaz is a compet-”

“Okay, but since Kaz is all about business, he’d never compromise their friendship…” Here, Jesper gives Wylan a look that says,  _ “They’re friends?” _ while Matthias’ face clearly conveys the message of  _ “They’re the sworn-to-the-death-forever-friends type of friends,” _  so he compromises and says, “...acquaintanceship... thing. Whatever. I think if Inej were to realize her feelings--”

“Which is never,” Nina slips in.

“--then she will approach Kaz about it,” Wylan finishes.

“Not buying it,” Jesper says as he finally puts his elbows on the table as he kneels on the floor. “Inej is the most respectful, honorable person ever to roam the Earth. She would never tell Kaz her feelings if she had the smallest inkling that it would make Kaz uncomfortable about it. She would rather him marry his money than have him look at her anything else but a dependable ally.”

“But if Inej were to just realize that Kaz is--”

“But she won’t. She only sees Kaz as the ultimate business partner and friend. That’s it.” Jesper stands up and puts his hands on the table. “Every ‘couple-y’ thing she does for him, she thinks is normal for a friend to do for another. Inej cho--” 

“But!-- she doesn’t do any of those things for us,” Wyland defends his position. 

“True, but Inej thinks it is a childhood friendship requirement thing for people to act that wa--”

“False! That is so bull and you know it!”

At this point, Wylan and Jesper are leaning across the table arguing in each other’s faces. 

Matthias is amused with the rare show of aggression from Wylan, whereas Nina is shocked; she never expected these two to be interested in getting their friends together as well. 

And then, it’s like a bullet of inspiration had hit Nina. 

Nina claps her hands together. “Brilliant! So it’s Matthias and Jesper who bet for Kaz’s first move against Wylan and I’s bet for Inej’s first move!”

Jesper and Wylan stop shouting. “But you just said that you think Kaz will make the first move.”

“Yes, but this way, it’s even. Two people per team, two teams, one against the other. Who will get them together first? Who will make the first move? Which team will be credited of getting the two dense cheese blocks together during their speeches on their weddings day?” Nina’s face falls into one of pure business. “Let’s discuss winnings,” Nina says in a cut-the-crap voice. She’s dead serious.

“Wait-”

“What just hap-”

“We all, are going to work together, but independently to get Kanej sailing. To make the situation more interesting, we’ll make a little competition out of it? Wylan and I versus Matthias and Jesper. Whoever makes the first move, that team wins. But in the end, both teams are trying to make Kanej canon. So chop, chop. Let’s tal-”

“WINNINGS, yes! Let’s talk WINNINGS!” Jepser exclaims, hyped. 

Wylan rolls his eyes. “Always Jesper and his winnings.”

“Well, what else do you expect from a gambler?” Inej says. The Wraith has appeared. 

Jesper yelps. Wylan gasps. Matthias curses. Nina grabs her chest. She might’ve lost a few years of her life. 

Nina panics, how much has Inej heard? Has her plan already failed?


	4. Taco Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirtyhands, the Wraith, tacos, and spicy foods. They're on break, it's okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me what you think. Enjoy!

Inej opens the door to the new taco joint, and aromas of freshly made tortillas and cooked beef rush out to meet her. The restaurant is small but cozy. Various pictures from every era plaster the walls with cultural phenomenons. The floors are covered with vibrant vector patterns that swirl into beautiful animals. There's even a small doggie statue wearing a sombrero at the ordering counter. A little crochet llama sits at the pick up counter. The table top patterns are subtly different from the table next to it, but the color theme remains. 

Inej smiles. The little touches of care that have clearly gone into the design reminds Inej of her parents’ restaurant. 

She asks for a table for two, and is guided to a table next to an image of Han Solo cut out from magazine pictures. Inej stares at him for a moment before a girl comes to ask for her drink order. Inej orders the two drinks like she always has for the past ten years. The girl basically skips away and comes back with two drinks and offers them straw umbrellas. It's a one time thing since it's opening day (because who doesn't love little umbrellas?).

She decides she loves the place. 

Inej checks her watch. She has about ten minutes until Kaz will arrive. Inej doesn't want Kaz waiting for too long because gods forbid that they have to stand to wait for a table and Kaz will refuse to take a seat because of his leg. Prideful bastard.

Inej instantly knows when Kaz arrives. It’s the same reaction that happens everywhere she goes. The world seems to pause for the briefest of moments to react to Kaz Brekker. He’s simply too much to comprehend. He’s in a white, crisp button up with a midnight blue tie paired with his black vest. His undercut hair and fancy shoes seem to catch all the light in the restaurant. He makes for a strange phenomenon. 

Some people pause for the weird dress for such a casual restaurant. Some people will pause for the cane he uses for the limp he has. Others will stare at his black, leather gloves (because what teenager wears gloves?). 

But all will pause at his  _ aura _ . It’s one that reeks with cunning. It’s one that reeks with confidence. A type of confidence that is often thought as arrogance. His icy gaze sliding over everyone and everything in the restaurant as if scrutinizing it, as if saying  _ I could’ve done it better _ . But alas, that icy glare was just how he looked. His average height intimidates any bystander; Kaz has mastered holding his head at a certain angle do that he can look at them down the slope of his nose. 

It lasts only for a moment, but Inej  _ senses _ the shift in the environment. 

It shows in the posture of the servers that changes as they walk past Kaz. They take impractically long routes to their tables from the kitchen to avoid his line of sight. 

It manifests in the frightened, shocked gaze of the little boy that sits in the high booster as he stops slurping whatever globby nutrience his mother is feeding to him. The slop splatters onto the plastic place mat. (Inej doesn’t think it will come off anytime soon. The baby food is sort of nasty.)

It appears in the small gulp of air that the manager takes as she sees Kaz walk into the restaurant. It’s how an owner tenses at the appearance of a businessman. 

Inej sips her drink.

The afternoon sunlight paints vibrant colors on the table from the thin umbrella. She focuses on that and not on the man that walks towards her.

Kaz takes his overcoat off, puts it on the back of the chair, pulls the edges of his gloves up, tightens his tie, and finally pulls out the chair. 

_ What a strange sort of gentleman, _ Inej thinks.

Kaz’s lips turn slightly downwards as he finally notices the silly, pink umbrella in his drink. 

“What is  _ that _ ?” Kaz says with distaste and sits down. 

“An umbrella,” Inej replies drily and sips some more of her own drink.

Kaz rolls his eyes. “Obviously. But why is it in  _ there? _ ” He reaches out to the glass and turns it slowly as if he cannot believe it exists. 

“Our server gave us the drinks with them in it. Adorable, aren’t they?”

Kaz looks at Inej dead in the eye. His expression is unamused. “My drink is not  _ adorable _ .” 

Inej’s lips twitch for a brief moment into a grin. “I suppose not.” 

Kaz plucks the umbrella out of his drink and rolls it in between his forefinger and thumb. “Why is it necessary to have one in every drink?” He looks around the restaurant at every drink with its colorful, little umbrella in it. 

“It’s opening day,” Inej says with a shrug.

“Why is it necessary for mine to be  _ pink _ ?” Kaz asks, sounding exasperated. 

“I asked for it to be.”

Kaz’s eyes shoot up to meet hers, and his mouth falls open a little bit.  Inej laughs. 

“I’m joking. Our server grabbed one at random.” Inej grins.

“But yours is black!” Kaz glares at Inej’s umbrella. 

“Indeed it is,” Inej agrees lightly, twirling her umbrella in her glass. 

Kaz closes the little umbrella and places it next to his napkin. What a sight that is. A man of greed playing with a tiny, pink umbrella the size of his finger. 

Their server arrives just in time to see the action and giggles. 

Kaz turns his glare on her. She coughs and asks if they’ve decided what they want to eat. Inej nods and hands both menus to the server. 

“Please, surprise us,” Inej says happily. “But if you could, please give me some really spicy. That’d be lovely.” Kaz folds his hands on the table and watches Inej in the corner of his vision. “But for him, no spicy hell, please. Keep it more in the moderate range. Thank you.” 

To Inej’s surprise, Kaz has no snarky remark for that. 

They sit in a comfortable silence for a few minutes before Kaz clears his throat and comments on the decor. 

Inej looks at Kaz for a moment and raises her eyebrows; he’s attempting to make non-work related conversation. Kaz’s gaze does not move from the painting behind Inej.

She humors him. Inej gives Kaz the down low on the design. She explains the decor, the reasoning behind it, and what she thinks of it. Inej has always loved art and pop culture. It was something her father loved, and her mother did. Her mom would often paint for the restaurant and change up the interior design. She explains the style of art, to the era of pop culture, to the possibilities of the intended meanings of it, and how the art speaks to her. 

It is all very fascinating to Kaz.

He listens to Inej as she talks animatedly about the decor. He knows she has always had an appreciation for art. He notices her long gazes at the paintings around the room, her love for finger painting as a child, her bright eyes when she sees a miraculous piece of art, and her mother who loved painting almost more than life itself. 

After a while, her words fade away into a silence. He focuses on her moving lips and calm expression. He notices how the light reflects off of stupid Han Solo onto the plain of her face. He realizes how passionate Inej looks when she talks about art, probably thinking about her own mother. 

When the food comes out, their server offers them milk. Kaz thanks her and asks for a glass, and Inej passes. Their noses are filled with glorious aromas of the food, and damn does it look delicious. Steam rolls off of the dishes and tickles Inej’s face. 

“Enjoy!” the server happily says, and Kaz and Inej immediately dig in. 

Inej pops the chili hot peppers into her mouth and nods her head. “‘Ts really good.” Kaz nods and eats his own dish. “Have some.” She offers her fork. 

Kaz eats it. It’s delectable, and then it hits him. THE KICK. He blinks once. 

“Hmm. That’s a good kick,” Kaz comments, and then quietly proceeds to chug his drink.

Inej nods vigorously and eats a bigger forkful of the food. She’s had pure jalapenos with no water. She’s eaten an entire ghost pepper with only a half glass of milk. And here Kaz was chugging his drink with a dish with some mild spices and hot sauce in it.

She really can take it. 

Kaz mentally stabs his brain. 

But he remains straight-faced as he casually drains one more glass of water and an additional two glasses of milk. It appears that the restaurant has come prepared for spice weaklings like Kaz. 

Throughout the meal, they review the current status of their various blackmailing jobs. Kaz closed one job yesterday. He gave the file to a freshman about a sophomore who was picking on them. Kaz casually recalls that the client gave them a very generous tip for their services. The kid told him that he referred their services to one of his friends and that they’ll be approached by them soon. 

Inej nods along and meets his gaze a couple times while she eats. She shares a general overview of the reconnaissance she did for two cases on Sunday. 

She had climbed to a room on the third story of the boys’ dorms. A bird had pooped on her shoulder on the way up to the target’s window ledge. Inej thinks it was a hawk or some large bird. It was a large splatter. Besides the bird poop, she also encountered a cat face to face. It was a white, Egyptian cat whose fur was matted with some blood from the dead rodent in its mouth. Oh, it was lovely. Inside the dorm room, Inej had to tiptoe around a delirious boy who was bed ridden due to a cold of some sorts. Inej used the boy’s sneezing as moments to cover up the opening of cabinets or rustling of bags. On her way out, she placed some more cold pills on the boy’s bedside table with a new glass of water. On the climb down, she just jumped and landed into a roll. She had brushed her pants off and walked off to her history class. It was a milk run assignment.

But, Inej doesn’t tell Kaz this. She knows that Kaz appreciates the bare facts than a good story, so she neglects the bird poop, cat, and sick kid from her report. She only tells him the information she found. After all, it’s always straight to business with Kaz. 

After that, they compare the schoolwork like classic college students. They discuss their professors, homework, projects, even some things that the other crows have been up to. Kaz shares a story about one of Jesper’s most recent bets-gone-wrong. It was a bet resulting in Jesper silly stringing the RA’s car in broad daylight in a green morph suit with underpants on his head, one high heel on, one UGG on, an American flag as a cape, and a borage of “Hi. My name is (fill in the blank with obscene phrases” stickers on his back. And to Jesper’s luck, he got caught by the RA. 

By the end of it, Inej is grinning and shaking her head. 

There are moments where they sit in comfortable silences. 

At one point they share their dish with each other. 

Unsurprisingly, when Kaz tries Inej’s food, he runs out of water. He looks at Inej’s drink for a quick moment. Inej nudges her drink towards him and passes her napkin as well. He's hastily downing the water, milk, and Inej's apple juice. It's a horrible mixture and a mess.

Kaz coughs once into his napkin and uses Inej's napkin to wipe the stray milk/water/apple juice mustache off his face. He thanks her. Inej nods.

By that point, they’re both done with their food. The server comes, collects their plates, and hands them the bill.

Inej reaches for it, but when her hand is a hair away, Kaz snatches it up.

She raises an eyebrow at that. 

“It’s uh, my turn to pay,” he says, but Inej recalls that Kaz has paid for the past three lunches. “Last time, you paid for the ice cream.”

“Oh, I did. At least let me pay for the tip.” Inej offers him a ten.

Kaz scrutinizes her ten dollar bill for a moment, contemplating if he should take it or not. Kaz knows that if he takes the ten, then it means that Inej still paid for some of the meal, but if he doesn’t take the ten, then Inej will fight to pay for her own meal. 

He takes the ten. 

“Thank you for lunch, Kaz,” Inej says with a polite smile. 

Kaz remains focused on the dollar bills in his hands. He doesn’t look at Inej’s smile. Because if he did, he’d have to buy the girl some dessert. 

Kaz pays the check, and they say their goodbyes. As they walk away from each other, Inej calls out to Kaz.

He turns around and sees a small, white thing fly his way. He catches it in his leathered hand.

“You forgot your mint,” Inej says as she pops one into her mouth. It’s been their tradition since... Ever. They always eat mints after they eat a meal together.

He pops it into his mouth and mumbles, “I guess I did.”

He nods his head and walks off.

“Bye to you too, Kaz.” Inej turns on her heel and walks to Danjer’s apartment. 

Kaz shrugs his shoulders in response and keeps his head straight and head up. He only looks over his shoulder after he’s counted twenty seven steps. He sees the end of Inej’s braid as she turns the corner. The Wraith went off to work.

Dirtyhands pulls up his gloves and strides away.


	5. Pastry Reconnaissance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for Wylan and Nina to trail the Wraith (aka Nina and Wylan spy on Kaz and Inej)  
> Wylan learns about the kanej interactions at meals. He isn't sure if he's disgusted or finds it adorable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had so much fun writing this chapter :D
> 
> ENJOY!

Wylan nearly trips into a pole. He lets out a high pitched squeal.

Nina's head snaps to him. She stage whispers, “What are you doing? We may be in disguise,” referring to the fake mustache on his face, the tourist sun hat on his head, the outrageous orange Hawaiian shirt he has on, the scarf covering her face (that Wylan thinks makes her look like an assassin, but Nina smacked him for that), her graphic tee that has “I (a donut drawing) care“ on it, and her captivating colored flowing skirt that Wylan has never seen before, “but the _Wraith_ can still hear you!”

Wylan gathers himself and quickly scampers to catch up to her. “She can certainly hear you,” he mutters.

Nina stalks off after the Wraith. They’re about two and a half blocks behind Inej.

“Did she mention where she’s headed?” Wylan asks as he pats his mustache. It’s some cheap, tacky sticky stuff on the back of the mustache. He knows it’s going to hurt when he has to take it off.

Nina shakes her head, but offers, “I think she may be headed to the new taco joint that opens today. It’s the only food place in the vicinity.”

“How do you know she’s headed to lunch?”

“It’s past noon.” She shrugs. “I’d be getting lunch right now.”

“Doesn’t she usually get lunch with someone?” Wylan asks. He recalls Inej always asking someone from the crew to get lunch with her. As far as Wylan knows, she hadn’t asked anyone at the library to get lunch.

Nina nods. “Maybe she’s meeting with her languages club.”

“Oooooh, maybe.” Wylan is envious of Inej’s ability to pick up languages. Inej can speak Spanish and German very roughly, but can read, write, and understand those two languages very well. Inej’s major accomplishment is French. He doesn’t understand how Inej can speak French so well, but a couple French transfer students in his chemistry class always rave about her beautiful French whenever he mentions her in one of his stories. From what they say, Inej is an amazing American who “respects and honors” their language. “Maybe they’re having another ‘cultural’ lunch out.” That’s what the languages club likes to call their frequent lunch meet ups at various restaurants. Everyone knows it’s just a reason to eat out together.

Nina laughs. She thinks of the time where Inej kept coming back with various types of take outs for over two weeks in freshman year. When Nina had finally asked her about it, Inej had said that the languages club was exploring “culturally diverse foods.” That way, they could pay it as an expense for the club. Nina had been so impressed by the idea that she’d joined the club for free food for a couple hours, but then quit after witnessing intense language appreciation and geek outs.

They follow Inej for a little while longer. Wylan makes himself look like he’s window shopping whenever Inej pauses or looks to cross. Nina hides behind the nearest pole, booth, or person. No one would really agree with Nina’s methods, but it seems that the Wraith doesn’t suspect anything.

It’s not until later, like Nina’s prediction, that they turn onto the street with the taco place. They watch Inej enter the taco place. It has a nice opening banner over the door and the front of the place. There’s a colorful chalk sign with specials on it. On the back of it, it reads, “If you don’t see something you like, come inside and we’ll TACO ‘bout it.”

“What now?” Wylan asks. It’s not like they can just walk in and order some food with Inej two feet from them. She’s the damn _Wraith_. She’d sense their scheming presences two feet before they enter the taco joint.

“Uh...” Nina looks around. “Maybe there’s an ice cream parlor around.” She still hasn’t gotten her triple scoop of ice cream. There’s a bowling alley, a nails salon, clothes store, dres- gods above, there, down the street on the corner is Nina’s answer. Behold, a pastry shop. “Oooo.” She starts walking towards the shop, drawn to it by its treasures.

Wylan is still staring at the taco joint, admiring the colorful sign and taking in the decor. Through the windows, he can see a little fish tank in the restaurant. “Aww, that’s adorable.” He can’t make out the specifics of the fish, but the vibrant colors reflect the scorching high noon sunlight very well. “Hey, Nina, do you thin-”

He turns around to see her beelining through traffic to cross the street a couple blocks down the street. “What even...”

Wylan nearly gets hit by a car as he sprints to catch up with Nina, who is now striding along on the sidewalk. How had she managed to avoid three lanes of traffic on a green light? Wylan has no idea.

“Nina!” Wylan shouts. “Nina, wait up!” He crosses the second lane of traffic. He takes a step towards the third and jumps back. Oh boy, he felt a breeze from a car on his back. A bunch of cars honk.

He looks up bewildered, why couldn’t they have crossed at the crossing walk? Why did he have to chase after Nina through the traffic? _Why_ is he sprinting through the traffic _right now_?

Only Djel knows.

Once he finally crosses the road, he curses. He bends over and pants. The high noon sun isn’t helping his exhausted state.

Wylan curses again once as he realizes that he lost his stupid tourist sun hat in the midst of playing the chicken while crossing the road. He hopes that the drama kids won’t mind too much that their sun hat prop got crushed by eighteen cars.

He jogs to catch up to Nina. How did the girl get so far away so quickly? She had crossed the hellish traffic so fast. Once he gets to her, she turns around.

“What took you so long?” she asked impatiently.

“You--but--the traffic,” deep inhale, “you just took off!” Wylan says, flailing his arms to help explain.

Nina shakes her head like a disappointed mother. “Wylan, hun, this is a pastry shop. Where else do you think I’d be headed?”

Wylan, a bit annoyed, let out a clipped, “I guess.” He looks at the sign above the shop and it reads as “iLl ol starPy hopS” to him. How was he supposed to know where Nina was headed? “So this is a pastry shop?”

“Yep! What do you want? I’ll treat,” she scurries inside to the goodies.

“Alrighty then.” Wylan follows her inside. The greatest creation of mankind hits them in the face -- AC.

Nina bends down and stands up tall and then bends down again to look at all the delicious treats through the glass. She’s like a little child looking at all the ice cream flavors. Which, Wylan guesses, is Nina. Wylan sighs and forgives her for ditching him. Because what else could he do? Get annoyed at Nina’s love for food? That’s like hating a dog for chasing its tail. You just can’t. She probably forgot in her discovery of a pastry shop anyway. “I guess I could fit a danish or something.”

“There’s always room for a danish or something,” Nina says, as solemnly as one would recite an old Chinese proverb. She nearly hip checks a guy their age into a child. Wylan gives the cutie an apologetic smile.

They order their desserts with a lot of questioning looks. They decide to sit outside at the picnic tables across from the taco joint to enjoy their treats. It’s quite a sight: Wylan’s tourist outfit with beads of sweat starting to collect on his pale skin as he nibbles on a blueberry danish, Nina’s form with a head scarf in the boiling heat on as she devours a little thing of tiramisu, and the cheap plastic green picnic table they sit at underneath a pink and yellow tattered umbrella.

Nina is too busy enjoying her snack to prepare herself for Wylan’s unprecedented smack to her arm. Some of her tiramisu went flying off of her fork onto the ground. She weeps at the sight. It’s in a crumpled pile on the ground. It’s next to a little weed growing out of the sidewalk. It’s a sad, convoluted metaphor. She’s going to murder him.

“Why did y--”

“Look!” Wylan points over her shoulder towards the taco joint window table.

“Wha--”

“It’s Inej and Kaz!” Wylan exclaims.

Nina turns around at a neck-breaking speed, and sure enough, Inej is sitting at the table next to the window. A waiter comes by with two drinks and places umbrellas in them. One drink has a pink umbrella, the other has a black umbrella. She swaps the umbrellas without a thought and looks at something on the wall.

“There’s Inej, where’s Kaz?” Nina moves her head up, down, left, right, looking for a businessman with the demeanor of a sarcastic little shit.

“He just walked into the place.”

“Maybe they’re on a date?” Nina dares to suggest. She shovels some more tiramisu into her mouth.

“Hopefully, but not likely,” Wylan retorts. Nina humphs. “I’ve never seen them go out together. I mean, I’ve always heard you guys talking about their nauseating lunch/dinner not-date-dates, but I’ve never seen them eat together.”

“Wait, how--how have you never seen them eat together?” Nina asks with her eyebrows raised.

“Unless you and the crew stalk them while they’re at their apartment, I’ve never seen them eat together alone. I’m new to the gang, remember?”

“Oooooooh yeaaaah, I always forget that this is your first year at the Barrel.” Wylan transferred to their college this year due to his last college’s lack of understanding for Wylan’s dyslexia. “Prepare yourself for a world of UST.”

“Of what?”

“You’ll see. Just watch Kaz and Inej eat lunch together.”

“Um, okay.” Wylan munches on his danish and watches as Kaz sits down.

Nina and Wylan laugh as Kaz gives the pink umbrella a disgusted look. Wylan didn’t know that it was possible to find such a trivial thing so horrible.

The two eat their snacks as they watch the Wraith and the leader of the Crows dine together. (failed attempt of dorky dramatics)

Nina coos and awws every now and then at the two. Wylan doesn’t know what trigger the coos, so he asks what does.

“It’s just the two of them are just so--” a frustrated yelp or explosion of noises? Wylan has no idea.

“Oh, um okay.”

\------------

Inej starts talking for awhile. Her eyes are lit up and she starts gesturing at the decor around the place. During which, Kaz’s usual puppy-killing, icy glare melts. It almost looks like he’s enjoying listening to Inej talk.

Wylan’s eyebrows knit together in confusion. Kaz always looks like he wants to plot the demise of everyone he talks to. If he’s around someone of the crew, then his gaze changes from blatant desire to murder to thoroughly disinterested. Or least, that’s what Kaz is like around Wylan. It’s only when something like those injury provoking vines or bodily harming pranks that Kaz will smile. But now, in the presence of Inej, his glare softens.

Wylan takes another nibble of the danish. “Interesting...”

“And it begins,” Nina whispers as she stares intensely at the duo.

\-----------

Inej’s mouth stops moving. Kaz’s mouth doesn’t open. They just eat in silence.

Wylan supposes that comfortable silences should be normal among close friends. _But_ it’s the gazes at Inej sneaks at Kaz when he’s not looking, and the stares that Kaz slips in when Inej is looking elsewhere. It’s _those_ looks.

It vaguely reminds Wylan of Destiel gif sets. (author's note: if you need reference [many destiel gifs](https://toodleloo-noodledoo.tumblr.com/post/163109732106/jimminovak-destiel-through-the-seasons) or [three STRONG destiel gifs](https://toodleloo-noodledoo.tumblr.com/post/163104574232/dailydestielposts-my-all-time-favorite-destiel))

“Seriously?” Wylan asks in disbelief.

Nina hums in agreement.

\-----------

“Wai- what-did- hold up, did Inej just _feed_ Kaz?” Wylan is astonished. He looks at Nina for an explanation. His mouth is wide open, gaping like a fish. He nearly dropped his danish.

Nina concludes that he’s going through shock. The solution for shock? Sugar.

Nina reaches into the paper bag for another pastry without moving her stare from the couple.

“Hey, Wylan, there are a couple more danishes in here for you.” Nina extracts a cupcake from the bag and starts eating that.

“Oh ok, wow. Thanks.” Wylan reaches into the bag for another danish. He, too, does not look away from the couple. Perks of getting treated by Nina? Five times the treat. “Doesn’t Inej eat super spicy stuff?”

A chuckle from Nina. “OH yeah.”

“And isn’t Kaz a wuss when it comes to spicy food?”

“Yep.”

They start laughing hysterically as Kaz begins to guzzle milk and water straightfaced.

“I’m surprised his face hasn’t blown up in flames yet,” Wylan observes.

“Well, now’s he’s out of stuff to drin-”

“OooOOOOoOOOh mmmmmyyy gods.” Wylan slowly inhales in shock as Kaz starts to drink Inej’s drinks. “Is that normal for friends to do, cause I don’t share my drinks with my friends,” he says, rushing all his words out.

“I don’t.” Pause. “Maybe with Inej since she’s my soul sister.” Pause. “And Matthias since he’s my boyfriend. But other from that, no.”

“IS he USinG hEr NApKiN?” Wylan screeches. The danish falls. “Now that is a not a thing for any friend to do. No one does that. No one.” Pause. “That’s even a bit disgusting.”

“Definitely is. They’re nauseating,” Nina says but hasn’t quite moved from her position of staring at the two.

They watch the two talk some more as the waitress takes their dishes and delivers the check.

Inej reaches for the check, and Kaz snatches it before she can touch it.

“Woah, what was that?” Wylan asks to no one in particular.

“UST is what.”

“What?”

“Unresolved Sexual Tension,” Nina says nonchalantly.

It’s like Wylan’s third eye opens and lets out a small, “oh.”

Nina smirks.

As Kaz and Inej leave, Inej hands him a mint. They pop their mints in their minds at the same time.

“What, what is that? A mating ritual?” Wylan waves his hands at them.

“It’s called,” Nina pauses for dramatic effect, “Kanej.”

\-----------

Inej and Kaz go their separate ways. Just when Inej is turning the corner, Kaz turns around.

“Did he just-?”

“Yep,” Nina confirms.

“I might have to change my bet.”


	6. The Other... Duo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the other duo: Matthias and Jesper  
> planning their version of operation Kanej

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHH THREE MONTHS without AN UPDATE. I AM SO SORRY. This chapter is kind of rough. Scratch that, it's a mess. Definition of a filler chapter. I want you guys to have something to read while I edit and revise it. I'll add some meat and more funnies to it. Stay tuned for major changes for this chapter.
> 
> tumblr @toodleloo-noodledoo -- SPAM ME HERE for faster updates or just to say hi. Hi.  
> Your comments are always motivating too, in fact, the latest comment activated my drive to finish the chapter I was working on.
> 
> And in this chapter, I kind of allude to their plan, but if you don't get the refs, DONT SPOIL IT.
> 
> THANKS FOR STICKING WITH ME, GUYS. YOU ALL ARE AWESOME. HAVE A SWEET DAY.
> 
> With that, ENJOY

Jesper and Matthias remain at the library table, defeated. 

Defeated by the librarians, once again.

“I hate them,” Jesper whispers as he adjusts himself so that his face lies sideways on the table and his arms dangle beside him.

Matthias sits across the table and one seat over from Jesper, so he can pass as not associated with the sweaty, whining man. Unlike Jesper, Matthias is sitting in his chair with a slightly hunched back; it looks like he’s been worn out by the war with the librarians, perhaps even considering defeat.

He grunts in agreement. Only sadists would torture young people in such a way. Why would you  _ ever _ turn the AC off in such humid, hot weather?

Matthias nor his gods know why. 

“Why did Nina and Wylan leave in such a hurry?” Jesper asks for the second time. Perhaps his brain has started to melt. Matthias can’t blame him. 

“I suspect that they’ve gone to start their plotting.” Matthias knows that Nina has her heart set on matchmaking their two friends. Once she has a thought in her head, she’s relentless. And oh boy, doesn’t Matthias know it. “Or who knows, maybe they’ve gone to spy on the Wraith herself.” Matthias and Jesper vividly remember when Nina crept on Jesper and Wylan before they got together. She’d be coincidentally in the library at the same time as Jesper helped Wylan with his English homework to research for project that no one else seems to recall existed, or it so happened to be that Nina was ordering food at the same restaurant because there was a sick classmate whose name was either too common or too outlandish. Nina is as subtle as a gunshot. 

Matthias chuckles, and Jesper snorts. That’d be so idiotic. Spying on the Wraith. Spying on the person who collects the blackmail. Spying on their  _ spy _ .

Jesper giggles some more as his mind progresses into a hot mess of a mile long list of why it’d be so ridiculous that Wylan and Nina were spying on Inej. 

Then the giggles abruptly stop. In a serious manner that Matthias has never seen before, Jesper looks up --with his chin still on the table-- and asks in a business-like tone, “What’s our plan for operation Kanej?” 

Matthias groans. “I won’t be associated with your meddling. For Djel’s sake, you’re all messing with the Wraith and the  _ dejmon _ ,” Matthias hisses. 

Jesper tilts his head to the side, mischief swimming in his eyes. It looks all the more intimidating and strange, given the fact that Jesper’s chin remains on the table. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say you’re scared,” he pauses and smirks, “but knowing fear isn’t the Russian way.” Jesper lifts his chin as if he knows he’s boxed Matthias into a corner.

Matthias’ nostrils flair, he refuses to get roped into the plot involving the leader of the crows by Jesper’s lame attempt at insulting to Matthias’ heritage. Only a fool would give into that. “Whether or not it’s the Russian way,” he grits out, “if you’re not scared of the Bastard of the Barrel,” Matthias pauses as if to emphasize his point. 

Jesper sits up and rolls his eyes; Matthias always makes it sound like Kaz is an otherworldly force by calling him intimidating, badass street names, but Jesper just remembers the times in his childhood where he, Kaz, and Inej found and rehabilitated an injured baby crow. Kaz cried when they had to release the baby crow back into the wild. To Kaz’s childish hope, the baby crow came back to his house every so often to say hi. How can Jesper think of Kaz as a bastard when he recalls him caring for a baby bird?

Matthias continues to talk, but talks slowly as if explaining to a child why they can’t go into vans of people who offer them candy, “you’re mad if you want to meddle with the  _ dejmon _ .” 

Jesper sighs. He never knew Matthias was so ridiculously scared of Kaz (he makes a mental note of this for future use). “You’re boring if you aren’t a teensy, little bitsy tempted to mess with Kaz.”

“I simply enjoy life without having to constantly look over my shoulder, but you wouldn’t know the feeling.” Matthias refers to Jesper’s dormitory “enemies” who prank him relentlessly. One time Matthias had to get something get something from Jesper’s room for a job, and he witnessed Jesper getting wedgied, nipple twisted, pied, and feathered with honey all under a minute. It was a beautifully planned masterpiece that Matthias thinks of whenever he’s feeling glum. He specifically replays Jesper’s moment of realization of how screwed he was when he turned around to see five people come towards him with instruments of humiliation. 

Matthias reminds Jesper of that particular instance.

Jesper sighs, reminiscing, “Yeah, that was fun. They got me gooood.” Matthias raises his eyebrow. He decides he’ll never understand Jesper’s mind. Nor does he want to. 

Matthias only knows one thing though. Jesper is easily baited. He’s like that stupid mouse who will always die by the poison lures. 

Jesper shrugs. “As a master prankster, I can appreciate another prankster’s pranks.” He gives Matthias a toothy grin. He opens his arms wide. “Honor among pranksters.” 

Matthias laughs. What do they know about honor? 

“Regardless, I don’t want to get on the bad side of Kaz for messing with his precious Wraith and his repressed feelings. Although it would be nice to see Kaz and Inej together, it has to be worth my life.” Because the  _ dejmon _ will surely end it if this little plot goes wrong. 

Jesper frowns. How is he going to convince Matthias that Operation Kanej is necessary? That Matthias will have to risk his neck for the sake of their two dense, cheese block friends?  Jesper sighs, he supposes he’ll have to offer something up. It always ends up like this. 

He leans forward across the table like he’s about to tell Matthias a secret. “What if I were to offer you something?”

Matthias is victorious. Now he’ll have to string him along a little bit more. 

“What could you possibly have that I’d want?” Jesper gives him an eyebrow wiggle and gestures to himself. “Well, it’s certainly not that.” 

Jesper pouts, but he thinks for a moment. He snaps his fingers and points a finger gun at Matthias. “How about I do your religious studies homework for a month?” 

“Last time you offered that you earned me a Cs on all of them,” Matthias lies through his teeth. Matthias has never been a good liar. He’s always preferred the blunt truth.  

“Hey! I honestly tried on them, but I said I’d do it. I never said I’d do it well,” Jesper says coyly. He always manages to find a loophole or two. It’s a good skill to have for he is the frequent loser in bets. 

“Your offers aren’t getting any better.” 

“How about I do your mid term paper for English?”

“Again, that’s more of a loss than gain."

“Fine. What do you want?” The mouse is has gotten caught in the trap. 

“Switch seats with me in lab,” Matthias says decisively. 

“That’s it? Sure, yeah, I can do tha-” Jesper’s face slowly morphs into despair, “Wait! No no!  _ No. _ No, never. No. Anything but that!”

Laney O’Donald. Jesper’s ex high school friend-with-benefits. Don’t get the wrong impression of Laney--a sweet, kind creature who wouldn’t harm a fly. Laney is a funny, dorky gal who seems to be liked by everyone. Laney and Jesper had a healthy mutual agreement going. It was going smooth as boat on the water on a cloudless sky. That is, until Laney wanted more to be friends-with-benefits and wanted to try out a relationship with Jesper. Jesper didn’t. Long story short, things ended bitterly between the two. 

Matthias wouldn’t have cared about their history, but Laney certainly did. Now if the girl comes across any close friend of Jesper’s, Laney is a ridiculously mean, shallow monster to them. Other from that, Laney is an utter sweetheart to be around. She is involved with the local food pantry and always seems to have a new friendship bracelet somewhere on her arm (apparently she babysits a  _ ton _ of kids). Laney is just... not as composed as she normally is around anyone associated with Jesper’s group. 

Matthias has to deal with that for three hours three times a week. 

He’d rather not. 

Jesper looks absolutely torn. “Do you know how much she hates me? She’ll probably set me on fire in lab!”

“Your choice.” Matthias knows he’s won. 

“Oh, you bastard.” Jesper scowls. “You’re just as conniving as Nina-- AND that’s NOT a good thing you Russian menace.”

Matthias throws a glare that way. “If I’m helping you with this Kanjeg plot, no more Russian jokes. You’re insulting my mother.”

“It’s pronounced ‘Kan-ej,’ you heathen. And fine. Whatever that makes your evil, cunning, sly, evil, dark lord satisfied,” Jesper sighs. “I can’t believe I let you trick me into switching seats with you.” Jesper stands up and looks like he’s finally fed up with the lack of AC to use energy to move from it.

He knows it’ll be hell for Jesper, but it had to be done. Matthias had enough of a zero to one hundred, chill to no chill Laney. “But since you’ll be suffering, I’ll give the Kagej-”

“Kanej,” Jesper corrects.

“-plan all my effort.” Matthias means, that only seems fair. A bitter Laney is hellish. 

Jesper whacks him on the back as he walks away. “Damn straight you will,” he crows (haha get it guys). He cracks his knuckles and stretches his arms out. “We need a damn good plan because Nina aka the maniac who will come up with devious plans and Wylan aka my hot, sexy, smarticle-particle, awesome, sunshine, adorable, ingenious boyfriend is determined to prove me wrong. Plus the bet we made is something I cannot lose. Trust me, it’s something new we’re try-”

“Keep your sex lives between you two. Djel, I do not want to know or care about it,” Matthias says disgusted as he stands up to follow Jesper. Does everything those two do have to be about sex?

Jesper trips over his feet. He fumbles, “That’s not-it’s just-”

“Whatever, I don’t want to know. Either way, our girl/boyfriends have probably already hatched a plan to make Kanjug happen.” Jesper nods, or rather moves his head up and down jerkily, still flustered from Matthias’ previous remark. “Well, what’s the plan?” 

Jesper nervously laughs. “Funny thing is that I didn’t think you’d actually agree to do this, so as of right now the plan to win bragging rights and getting Kaz and Inej together is to come up with a plan to do just that. Isn’t that funny?”

Matthias turns to deadpan at Jesper. Is it too late to join Nina’s team?

“Hey,  _ hey _ ! You don’t get to give me that stoic face crap yet. I can come up with some pretty spectacular plans,” Jesper defends himself by listing a few times on his fingers when his improvisation in their blackmailing gig saved their asses. 

Matthias gives Jesper an exasperated sigh. He’s fully aware of the plans that Jesper pulls from thin air, but when those same plans are initially explained, they sound like plans pulled from his rear. Matthias bitterly remembers that he was often the one  _ cheesed _ in Jesper’s plans whether it be because Matthias “is more macho looking” or “has that thug stare” or “his MANLY features will throw the dame off of her game” or whatever ridiculous justification Jesper has for his plans. Matthias is always mocked by the crew for his horrible acting/improv skills. 

However, to the Crows’ fortune, Jesper’s plans always work in the end. Do they work smoothly? Well, that’s a completely different question. Jesper’s plans work out as smoothly as nails on chalkboard. It does the job, but it’s painful as hell.

Matthias rolls his eyes. “Okay, fine. You have plans. They’re not spectacular though. They get the job done.” Jesper seems satisfied with that answer.

“Okay, but seriously. Enough with the jokes now.” Matthias slides his gaze over to Jesper’s profile, and Matthias gives him the look. Can Jesper truly be serious? 

Jesper disregards Matthias’ stare because now, he’s a man on a mission. He exits the library by swinging the doors out with both arms. 

“Do you think we can pull one of those classic ‘oh they sent me a text to meet up,’ but we do that for both of them type of thing but it ends up to be a blind date thing?”

“That’s called lunch for them.”

Jesper grimaces. “You’re right, that movie cliche would be no different than whatever goo goo thing they have going on now.”

A nod and a beat of silence.

“I’ve heard the two lovebirds often have this weird tradition where they side outside and freeze their asses off to watch the city skylights and stuff on Wednesdays.” 

Matthias’ thoughts stutter. “Really?” Are they really that couple-y? He and Nina do this thing on Saturday afternoons where they go to the baker’s shop and just hang out for awhile while watching the bakers bake. He’d never do that with a friend though. 

“Surprising, I know. Sometimes I think they’re more domestic than Wylan and I.” Jesper looks peeved at this.

“A catch, you two are the opposite of domestic. You two are sinfu-”

“AnyWAYS! I have an idea for the their weekly city gazing session. It’s kind of a spin off of the movie cliche thing,” Jesper says, elated.

Matthias turns to look Jesper. Matthias’ blood pressure raises, he can  _ see _ the mischief parading in Jesper’s eyes. Matthias is almost too afraid to ask, but thinks of Laney. He asks the preliminary questions. “Is it legal?”

“It is in North Carolina.”

“We’re not in North Carolina.”

“No, we are not.”

“Is it dangerous?”

“For Jason Pierre-Paul.”

A pause. “It’s not what I think it is, is it?”

“It is.” Jesper’s face breaks into a toothy grin, and then, he turns on his heel and practically prances off. “I know a guy who will hook us up. I’ll send you the details!” He looks behind to point another finger gun at Matthias, then turns back around before he crashes into a student. 

Matthias shakes his head while scowling at the ground. How can that man come up with such terrifyingly, good plans so quickly? 

If the plan works, he’ll have to reevaluate all the cliche movies Nina makes him watch. 

If the plan doesn’t work... He shivers. He hopes the dejmon will spare him if this plan explodes in their face. 

Perhaps Laney wasn’t worth the possibility of the dejmon’s wrath. 

Damn it. 


	7. Inej's Bad Wednesday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inej's thoughts  
> More tangents than usual...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a horrible person. Please accept this update. At least I have summer to update more frequently now. It's a super filler. Thank you so much for the comments and support!! You guys are awesome.

Inej Ghafa is in a bad mood. A truly rare occurrence since her mind and heart are almost always resonating a peaceful, tame atmosphere. She never cried or pointed fingers on the playground as her little classmates accidently dropped her homemade knitted mittens in mud, nor did she yell for an apology when they ran off without a second glance. She did not cry when her teddy bear got run over by her cousin’s toy Jeep. She did not curse the cat when he spilled paint on her new skirt. She did not even blink an eye when her gymnastic competition accused her of cheating. She did not cuss when her car did not start on the morning of an exam. She did not pout and scream in frustration when the heel of her high heel broke off at prom.

Her reactions are unlike anyone else. One reason may be because of her ties to her gods. Maybe a reason could be because of her long term exposure to Jesper’s antics. Or maybe it’s because Inej has a very, very tight grip on her emotions. No one knows.

Whatever the reason, when Inej is in a bad mood, Inej believes the universe has it out for her. For tonight, at least.

Inej enters the shared apartment with raw egg in her hair, beer smelling shoes, and paint drenched and beer soaked socks.

She grumbles as she drops her bag filled with intel and textbooks onto the floor. She slips out of her shoes with a small whimper and tugs off her wet socks with a pitched face. She goes to the sink to wash her shoes and hopefully get the paint out of her socks.

She turns on the warm water to first try to rinse of her hands. She looks over her shoulder to look at the mess on the floor. “This is why I can’t have nice things,” Inej murmurs. There are paint streaked puddles and splatters of paint from her path from the door all the way into the kitchen. She sighs.

This is one reason why she hates doing jobs for college students. On occasion, she has to blend in with her surroundings. Her surroundings sometimes being delirious, drunken teenagers looking for a good time. Read: crazed idiots.

She got the information during Danjer’s big party because it was easier to enter and retrieve information disguised as a party goer than going during the day in plain sight of the security cameras. Inej could have disabled them, but last time she did that she nearly fell asleep waiting for the security guard to move from his chair.

Inej also figured that she could get some gossip from the students at the party too. Some witness accounts, if you will. In all honesty, she was surprised that there was a party in the middle of the week. It was supposedly for a thrown for someone who got an internship at Google. Inej just wonders if said intern will be sober for their first day on the job.

According to the gossip, Danjer is definitely with another girl, but supposedly Danjer and the client “took a break.” An important detail that the client neglected to inform Kaz of. However, multiple party goers said that Danjer is currently with is the client’s best friend. And here’s the kicker, Danjer’s friends and the client’s friends all knew about the thing Danjer and the client’s friend had going on.

Was this intel worth her socks and egg hair? No. Was it important to the job? Yes. Will Inej remember the people who spilt the beer and threw paint-filled balloons at her ankles? You bet. She’ll remember them alright. Inej usually isn’t one to hold grudges, but she also usually doesn’t come home with egg in her hair and paint covered clothing.

She leaves her socks to soak in a bowl full of soapy water. Hopefully that won’t damage the socks’ material too much. She starts to dab her shoes with a wet towel. As she’s cleaning her things, the light above her winks out.

Another sigh.

She continues to clean her things. In the dark.

Soon after that, her stomach growls. She wonders if there are still leftovers from the yesterday’s Chinese takeout. She wants some lo mein. Lo mein always lightens her mood. Or maybe there are a couple of pastries left that Nina got her from Lil ‘ol Pastry Shop. Inej has yet to have one. Maybe Nina grabbed her a good scone or maybe some tiramisu. Oh man, if it’s tiramisu, then Inej may forgive those punks at the party.

The beer smell doesn’t seem like it’s going away anytime soon, so she just leaves them on a towel. She looks at the pitiful sight of her socks. The darkness of the room just making the paint stand out against her light creme socks.

She writes on a sticky, “DON’T DRINK,” and leaves it next to the soapy bowl. Inej walks to the bathroom with her eyes closed, letting her muscle memory guide her there. She fills the sink with water, undoes her braid, and dunks her head. She tries to comb out the egg whites from her head and massage the yolk out from the roots of her hair. She grimaces. It’s been awhile since she’s gotten dirty for a job.

The last time she got dirty was when she had to go dumpster diving for some blackmail. That was not fun, but it was her fault for waiting for the mark to throw out their trash to the dumpster. Inej had been composing a research paper right before she went out for the job. That night she wore the grimmest clothes she had and covered herself head to toe. The only thing visible were the whites of her eyes.

Today, she chose “party going” clothes. Read: she is covered in paint and confetti and whatever else there was all over her body.

After she’s thoroughly massaged most of the egg out of her hair, she finally flips on the light. Maybe now she can look at her messily self without a flash of annoyance.

She’s wrong.

There’s some egg still clinging to her eyebrow (she isn’t sure how she hasn’t felt it), some paint in the shell of her ear, a stain of who knows what on the back of her metallic silver, strapless top, and paint all over her back and on her scalp. A glob of paint had started to matt itself in section of her hair. She looks herself in the eyes. Her deep brown, nearly black eyes stare back at her. She wonders, not for the first time, why she’s in this mess.

\---

Inej comes out of the shower with a small, content smile on her face. Her hair is finally clean, and the paint has been scrubbed off her body. She doesn’t know what kind of paint that was, but it wouldn’t let go of her skin after the initial three scrubs. Inej slips on a pair of spandex, a loose tee, and wraps herself in a comfy, fluffy baby blue robe Nina got for her. She throws her clothes into the washer and waits for the cycle to end by making herself a pot of tea.

Tea helps her zen.

She sets the pot on the stove and then climbs into the rafters to watch. The light from the flame had a soothing presence in the darkness of the apartment. There are a few passing lights from the streets, but other from that, the flame steadily glows.  

She lies on her back, kicking one leg slowly back and forth. Her arms are folded behind her head as she stares at the flame.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Believe it or not, it was Jesper that recommended she started drinking it instead of trying to tape her eyelids open. He said it helped him with his jitters every now and then. It used to work all the time, but that was before his mom passed away. Jesper and his father religiously explore the tea world; they even send tea boxes to each other despite being half way across the country.

Inej feels herself lighten with the thought of her friend and his father. Jesper may come off as a complete goofball who doesn't have a care in the world other from the next gamble, but Jesper is so much more than that.  Sometimes Inej wishes that people could see that, but if they can't give him the time of day to convince them or show them, then hell, Jesper doesn't need them. No, Jesper doesn't have to prove anything to anyone.

Inej stops swinging her leg.  She sits up and rubs her eyes. Gods, this night has gotten to her head. She knows Jesper can do whatever he wants because in the end it's up to him and she knows damn well that he'll do just fine.

She falls off the rafters and lands as softly as a feather. The water should be ready by now. As Inej is holding the tea bag from the box to the pot, the string breaks. The tea bag falls and before Inej can nab it, the timer she set goes off. Inej flinches and the bag meets the flame.

Inej sighs. Again.

The Wraith turns off the stove and watches in vain as the tea bag burns up.

\---

She slips out of the window and does what Kaz calls “the flight” and eventually ends up at their rooftop campout. There’s a yellow, worn lawn chair, the type of lawn chair with the plasticy, rubbery seat and back. Before college, it was lying around in the back of Kaz’s shed for who knows how long. The lawn chair next to it a few feet away is a rainbow colored, rocking adirondack chair. Jesper made it for Inej when she moved into her new house in high school, it was her first house with a backyard. She brought it wherever she’s gone since. She even brought it with her on a month long vacation with her family to Europe. Jesper was shocked to hear that, so he comes by to fix up the paint job and the blemishes every now to keep it looking new.

Inej paces on the ledge of the building, observing the quiet street life below her. It’s nearly two am, so there are few cars and people wandering the roads. The traffic lights change lazily, almost like if they are too tired to function themselves. It’s strange, these particular lights have always been sort of out of whack, sometimes working, sometimes too slow or too fast. Inej doesn’t know, but someone should fix it. Maybe she’ll ask Wylan to hack the traffic system to do so.

She stops pacing to stand tall, look up at the clear, dark sky, and takes a deep breath of the humid, hot nearly summer air. She wonders where she’ll be in a couple years.

Inej would like to go into civil services, something like a case manager to help people. She wants to be someone like Kaz’s case manager. He always seemed to understand Kaz, always seemed to give his older brother some extra time here and there, and always came with a warm glow of understanding in his eyes.

She continues pacing the ledge.

Or maybe she’ll pursue her gymnastics. Every coach throughout her life has been telling her that she could make it big, make it to some global competitions, place in some of them. Her college coach told her, during freshman year, that she could make it to the Olympics, if she wanted to.

She knows regardless of what she chooses, she’ll inevitably give up her fast paced life here in college. No more sneaking around, no more ledge climbing, no more fence vaulting, no more rooftop runs. No more plans, no more make-it-or-break-it improvisations for the sake of a job, no more scaling buildings. She won’t hear wind of Jesper’s pranks and antics, see Matthias’ perpetual grimace or frown, share varieties of pastries with Nina, smell Wylan’s new scientific concoctions for breaking into places, or plot with Kaz anymore. She won’t be able to come across them in the library suffering or join them in the dining hall to shove their faces full of food or get yelled at in a restaurant for being too loud because they’ve all laughed so hard. She won’t be able to feel her cheeks hurt from the amount of smiles she’s had from Matthias’ occasional, legendary roasts. She won’t be able to just walk into Nina’s dorm to watch a couple of movies together. She won’t be able to just to shoot Jesper a text at 4 AM  to ask if he wants to go to the arcade because she doesn’t want to begin to write her essay and knows he doesn’t either. She won’t be able to feel her brain combust from Wylan’s insane explanation of why the triple locked door will become unlocked with a ball that looks like putty but can’t touch it because it’ll give her frostbite. She won’t be able to wake up and see Kaz making pancak-

Her ankle wobbles for a moment on the ledge, her breathing stops-

She won’t have her crew in a couple of years.

\---

Kaz fiddles with the doorknob for a few moments until it finally gives in. As he opens the door, a wall of hot, humid air hits him. He grunts. He steps out onto the rooftop and slowly lets the door swing itself back into a lock.

He checks his watch. Ouch. He’s more late than he usually is. He walks briskly towards the rooftop campout. He twists his hands around one another and looks at the pale skin of his hands in the moonlight.

He walks on.  

Kaz looks side to side for signs of people looking outside from their buildings. When he decides that no one is, Dirtyhands gives his cane a little swirl and twirl. He'd die before he'd let anyone know that he always liked the look of those Broadway men dancing with canes. He gives his heels a little clip once he's down swirling (and smiling to himself).

Kaz finally climbs over (with some difficulty) over a skylight window to see-

Nothing. The rooftop basecamp is empty. It’s just the tarp he and Inej tied to some metal structure they found at the campus art scraps to make a haphazardly canopy/tent thing. There are a couple of plastic bins of snack foods in the corner of the tent, untouched from the last time either of them were up here. The chairs are devoid of any people. The cooler is up here though. That means Inej is here somewhere-

Kaz looks up to the top of the metal thing. No Inej shaped silhouette there.

He glances back to chairs-

He nearly flinches. There sits Inej, in her rocking chair, staring blankly at the skyline. She isn’t rocking in the chair like she usually does. The blank stare isn’t the typical Inej blank stare which usually has a glint of say contemplative thought to it. This stare, is just... empty.

He goes over to the snack bin, grabs a can of sour cream and onion Pringles and a tin of cashews. He leaves the can of Pringles by Inej’s feet. Kaz lowers himself into his lawn chair and stares where the buildings brush the sky. He clasps his hands on his stomach and watches the night sky.

Kaz isn’t sure how much time passes, but when he finally sees a person from one of the college apartment complexes emerge, he dares to make a noise.

“I assume you did your part of the job smoothly?” he says evenly, quietly.

Inej dips her head down, then up.

“How did it go?” Inej’s head swivels towards Kaz, almost surprised, almost suspicious. After all, Kaz never asks about how it went, just the result. All about business. She straightens herself in her rocking chair.

Inej sighs. She closes her eyes for a moment, when she opens them, she’s back to looking at the night sky.

“Well, as you could probably tell from the kitchen, messily. Messy in terms of paint and all, not the intel quality.” Kaz almost says rolls his eyes because when has Inej ever executed a job in a way but utter perfection? “Someone spilled beer on my shoes and another dumped paint on me. I was in edge of the splash zone. I got the intel though.” Kaz nods. He knew she got the intel.

He clears his throat again. “Was that what was happening in the kitchen sink? I nearly drank it.”

Inej cracks a small grin. Kaz doesn’t make light hearted jokes like this, that’s why Inej is humored. It’s ridiculously _not_ Kaz.

After that, the Dregs leader and the Wraith look onto the late city before them with nothing but the lazy traffic light clicking to fill the silence.


	8. The Next Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is Jesper's and Matthias' stories executing the first part of their operation focusing on Kaz and Inej's Wednesday hangouts on the rooftop.  
> Present: ice cream parlor and Jesper's unfortunate mishap (you'll know, but no spoilers) AND is Thursday morning (the morning after)  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeaaaaah, so I'm a horrible updater, but this time I come bearing a gift--a longer update! Yay! Tell me, would you rather have frequent, short, incomplete updates OR longer, less frequent, complete updates OR the mayhem I've been doing?
> 
> And remember when I said that I wasn't sure if this story was going to have a plot? Well, if you think this is a plot, you're wrong. I'm writing fillers and stuff that I think is hilarious. It's self-indulgent. I can't promise a plot or a serious story because I like where the story is going right now. I enjoy writing these little mishaps and tiny Kanej scenes and Jesper&Matthias and Nina&Wylan interactions and my random towns/collegepeople.
> 
> Anywhos, this particular chapter is the motherf-ing champion of tangents (and parentheses). Let me know what you think. Tell me if you hated, loved, laughed, or cried (you shouldn't cry, it's a chapter full of crack scenarios). 
> 
> AND don't do drugs, kids. IF you do (you shouldn't), be responsible.
> 
> ENJOY THE UPDATE

**Thursday Morning at the Ice Cream Parlor**

It is a lovely Thursday morning, and none of the Crows have any classes. For typical college students, that would be a lazing-around day. For the crows, it is a work day.

With no classes, the Crows meet up in what Jesper and Inej coined as the “nest.” The nest is a secret lounge area in a-hole-in-the-wall ice cream parlor. The ice cream parlor is in a building next to the “Sex-y Lingerie” store with a seven foot, garter belt and corset-wearing cartoon chicken eating an ice cream cone. Legend says the class of 2012 dropped it off as a way to thank the parlor for making their final weeks and hangover days less painful to bare (and to thank the lingerie store for those fun, fun nights).

Inej and Nina found it on one of their food adventures when they asked a cashier at the co-op what the best ice cream place in town was. The two seemed very skeptical of the place because it had that ridiculous chicken mascot and shared a wall with the adult toy store, but they pushed through (or rather Nina pushed Inej through the squeaking doors) for the quest of ice cream. Inej instantly fell in love with the parlor because it had the same home family touches to it as her grandmother’s restaurant. Nina instantly fell in love with the parlor because it had the most obscure ice cream flavors-- but, homemade! Nina argued that if an ice cream place proudly advertised its homemade quality ice cream, then it’s damn good ice cream. Inej didn’t comment or anything as Nina gleefully asked the ice cream server for samples of their very best ice cream flavors.

Aside from the amount of food orgasms the Crows have whenever they inhale the godly ice cream at the parlor, the parlor is a perfect area for planning. Above the typical ice cream counter, there is a second floor that overlooks the street. It’s well lit and has pretty paintings. It’s a quaint little place, but the thing that convinced Kaz’s crew for it to be the base of operations was its separate lounge area. The lounge area is behind a couple counters and left of the utensil stands, so unless someone was already aware of it or snooping around, no one knows of its existence. Wylan isn’t even sure the employees are aware of it. Matthias asked about it once, and Kaz simply answered with, “Don’t worry about it.” And with that, the Crows were satisfied because if the leader of the blackmailing operation is confident with the security of this ice cream parlor, then they are fine with it too.

What’s even better about the lounge area is the amount of random seating: bean bags, rocking chairs, webbed chairs, ottomans, yoga balls, spinny chairs, hanging basket seats. It’s practically daycare.

The Crows love it.

The Crows love it so much that they don't mind waking up early enough to get to the parlor as soon as it opens. The Crows are such frequent customers that the employees know their orders by heart. If the server on duty is Aurora, then she'll have the ice creams waiting for them when they arrive. The Crows leave bigger tips than usual on those days.

And this particular Thursday is when Aurora's kindness lights the flame of humanity’s hope.

“Hello Aurora, my sweet darling!” Nina calls since she doesn’t see the small ice cream attendee. She flourishes into the parlor with a wave and a fifty million watt smile. Nina advances to the counter like a moth to light, picks up her ice cream, and drops a few bills into the tip bucket.

“Ah, Nina!” Aurora pokes her head above the little swing outdoors like those in the old Western bars. “Good morning!” Aurora waddles out carrying a large tub of ice cream and sets it behind the counter. “Where’s the Russian?” She gives a toothy grin and props her chin on her hand on the glass ice cream case.

Nina’s eyebrows raise and eyes widen. “Oh you,” a lick of ice cream, “might,” lick lick, angles her neck, lick, “want to,” lick lick, spin of the cone, lick, “give him another scoop.” Breath. Many more licks, and then, Nina inhales through her teeth. “Matthias is in a bad mood right now. Shh, don’t tell him I said tha-”

_WHAM._

The door to the parlor opened so fast and so hard that Aurora checks the bell above the door to see if it was still intact. The Russian Matthias enters. His strides are long, and he’s shouting to his phone.

Aurora whips her head to Nina with a look that says _Is he safe to give ice cream to? Is it safe to let him in here right now?  Is he going to slam the ice cream out of rage?_ Nina shrugs and prances up the stairs. “Love you darlings!” Nina waves from the top of the stairs and then dashes off.

Aurora turns back to Matthias and gives him a smile. She gestures to the counter to a cone stand that holds Matthias’ usual. Matthias snatches his ice cream and leaves Aurora shocked because how can someone spitting fury rage at phone possess the coordination to carefully grab an ice cream cone so quickly? He pauses at the counter, looks at Aurora (she feels a shiver go up her spine), gives her a toothless smile, and drops a couple bills into the tip jar. Aurora is certain she’ll see that smile on a snakeclown ((raise your hand if you got that reference)) in her next nightmare. Matthias rolls his shoulders, gives Aurora a nod, and follows his girlfriend up the stairs to the secret meeting room. He does all of this, of course, while shouting at his phone.

While Matthias and Nina enjoy their ice cream upstairs, Aurora checks her phone for the time. In seven minutes, the store will officially open. The Crows are lawless when it comes to these types of things, (so it’s not like Aurora could stop them from coming early anyway) but Aurora doesn’t mind preparing ice cream for them. They tend to make things interesting wherever they go.

After a few moments, Aurora realizes that the door is still open from Matthias’ entrance, but when she goes to close it, a character enters the parlor. He wears kiddy sunglasses where the eyepieces are too small to cover the eye, a feathered bowler hat, a tattered mitten, and a tacky, bedazzled glove.

“Hey... Uh, Jesper?” Aurora stops her movements towards the door handle and squints her eyes at the man. It seems like a typical Jesper charade, especially since it's a summer day with the sun glaring down. Plus, the only other customers at this hour would be the Crows. Aurora knows that Wylan is too shy to dress like this, Inej wouldn't need a disguise because she'd be scaling the building, and Kaz would kill the man who dared to suggest he’d need to put on a disguise.

Jesper grunts a reply and grabs his ice cream.

“What's up with the disgu-,” Jesper gives an exasperated sigh and whips off the hat and glasses.

His left eyebrow is gone. Aurora gasps. Jesper grumpily licks his ice cream and drops two handfuls of coins into the tip jar. Aurora's mouth is too busy collecting flies to say thank you. She stares at Jesper’s hunched back as he drags feet upstairs with a cone in one hand and his disguise in the other.

The moment Jesper enters the lair, Matthias loses his ice cream because his hand flies to point at Jesper's face. His hand moved so quickly that the ice cream fell on the floor. Matthias figures the loss of his ice cream is worth it. Matthias’ laughs shake the floorboards.

Nina, on the other hand, wail-gasps in gross horror. “Jesper, honey, why?!”

“That's what you deserve you troll!” Matthias clutches his stomach and continues to laugh.

Jesper stands in the doorway with hunched shoulders and sighs again. “Yeah yeah whatever.” He plops down onto a bean bag with a petulant frown and eats his ice cream quietly. He keeps his focus on his ice cream.

“What happened, Jesper?” Nina wheezes out before she's overcome with giggles. The situation finally got to her.

Jesper’s eyes slide up from his ice cream to Nina, then slides over to Matthias, and then back to his ice cream. “Matthias is going to bitch about it.”

That makes Matthias fall out of his chair. He flops to face Jesper. All laughter dissipates from his body. You’d think he just got to sentenced to the big house for the rest of his life with the glare he’s staring at Jesper with. “Of course I’m going to bitch!” Matthias seethes. “I have _fireworks_ stored in my dorm because of you!”

“Oh this is going to be good,” Nina says under her breath and wiggles her body to sink into the bean bag some more. Ah, there, optimal watching position.

“You know that I had to or the Deltas would’ve pummeled me!” Jesper yells.

“I should have let them! And you know what! I missed the finale of the wolf documenta-”

“Oh my _GOD_! SHUT UP ABOUT WOLVES!”

Nina’s eyes bounce back and forth between Jesper and her boyfriend like a tennis match. She did wonder why Matthias canceled their weekly wolf documentary date night. She figured he had an emergency family meeting call or something. She hates getting involved with those calls. Matthias’ extended family doesn’t like her for some reason.

“How DARE YO-”

“IT was for the sake of KANEJ, MAtthIA-”

Nina perks up. “WHAT?! Ohmygods, tell me what happened! What was your plan? I’m guessing it failed spectacularly.”

Cue Jesper’s forced laugh. “As if yours are any better you Hallmark-movie-scene-copycat!”

“Those are flawless pla-”

“Then why haven’t any of them worke-”

“It’s a work in process!”

“Hey guuuuys,” Wylan waves from the doorway with a cup of ice cream in hand, “why a battle for blood so early?” Wylan takes in the atmosphere between the trio screaming at each other: Matthias is kneeling on the floor and looks like he’s slowly waddling his way towards Jesper judging from the fallen ice cream cone (rest in peace, comrade); Nina is leaning forward, aggressively eating her ice cream, and giving Jesper a loathful look; Jesper is sitting up very straight in his usual bean bag with a mostly eaten ice cream con--

Wylan sputter-screeches. “HA, just kidding! Jesper, babe, explain why your eyebrow is missing, yeah?” Wylan plops down on a swirly stool.

Jesper sadly pats the area where his eyebrow would usually be. When Jesper looks up, he looks amped up. Despite his failed pranks, Jesper’s love for retelling the event will cancel out the feeling of humiliation. He opens his mouth to burst into stor-

 

**Jesper’s Wednesday Night**

No team has had a successful attempt at making Kanej canon. Wylan and Nina stalk Inej and/or Kaz when they aren’t recreating scenes from Hallmark movies and teenage romance novels. It’s rather sad given that Nina came up with the entire operation. Their attempts were so simplistic that Jesper was rather disappointed with his brainiac boyfriend and pastry-loving friend. He expected some long-winded, twenty-seven step plan to make their operation Kanej successful, but there was nothing more than five seconds of planning. He supposes that they believe in quantity over quality.

Jesper’s plan on the other hand. Oho hoho. It’s a doozy alright. It’s quality alright.

He’s called in a couple favors for his plan. That’s right. He called in favors from the Omega house and the Science Olympiad team. The prank he did for the Omegas was one of a kind. It was a revenge prank on some girls from their sorority counterpart house. Some of the girls pulled this elaborate prank that crushed one of the Omega’s heart. And let’s just say that that house will no longer mess with the Omegas because of their immense fear of balloons, gum, chickens, and streamers. Show any of those girls one of the said things and they’ll look like they saw a ghost. Anyways, the Omegas owe Jesper. Plus, he knows they have expertise in an area he needs them to have (see Jason Paul-Pierre). From the Science Olympiad team, Jesper got some of the chemistry wizards to whip him up a concoction of firework gunpowder. He’d usually ask Wylan, but that’d give the plan away to the pastry team.

It’s Wednesday at dusk, and it’s about to storm. The grounds are still muddy from the torrential rain earlier in the day, so it’d be a fool’s move to do anything on the quad or grass fields.

Alas, if we pan to Jesper, his arms are bundled with fireworks. There’s a group of fellow college students with fireworks in their arms as well. Annnnd, they’re all sprinting. They’re all sprinting across the campus quad, or rather, they’re all quickly lifting one foot after another through the mud.

Behind them, maybe forty yards is a bigger group of Deltas chasing the Omegas and Jesper. The Deltas are -in a couple words- batshit pissed. Another note, there’s another group of Deltas running on the paved path, but it swerves around all over the place; so they may be actually sprinting, but it’s a less direct run.

Jesper worked out a plan so that the firework carriers just need to make it to Opal’s group. (Opal always owes him a favor for something. She tends to get into trouble a lot, but she’s a good kid at heart. She wouldn’t harm a fly and would help someone carry groceries home.) They’re at the bottom of the hill at the end of the quad (the quad is kind of on a plateau), and they are a key part of saving their asses when Jesper’s group get closer to the dorm (*whisper* super diversion).

Jesper and the other firework carriers are all laughing maniacally and aiming for Matthias’ dorm room. (It’s the only place the Deltas would hesitate entering. Matthias is one of the few who was asked by frat houses and refused to join them.)

Matthias is going to be so mad. Jesper lets loose another cackle. Not only is Jesper going use Matthias as a human shield, but he’s going to store a shit ton of explosives in his room. Jesper knows he’s Matthias’ favorite crow after all.

At this point, Jesper and most of his group are 60% across the quad. The laughs and cackles have leveled off into steady panting (and, for some, wheezing). Jesper glances at Deltas running in jagged paths and then at his own beeline towards Matthias’ dorm. Some Omegas are beginning to slow down. By slowing down, the Omegas are lifelessly lifting one foot and plopping it a mere foot in front of the other foot. Nononono, he needs at least 82% of the fireworks to make it to the dorm, and five Omegas already got lost somewhere between the quad and the Delta dorms. He needs to motivate his troops, he needs this plan to work out, he needs to show up Nina and Wylan, he needs Kanej to be canon, damnit.

With a hearty yell and a higher hop, he cries “FOR KANEJ!” Then, Jesper hops faster than before.

A pause with no wheezes or pants heard, and then a roar of “FOR KANEJ!” is echoed back and followed by a crack of lightning and thunder. _KACHOW!_ (that’s thunder, guys)

The squelches in the mud occur more quickly than before. It’s a funny story. Only seven of the group running with Jesper are actually Omegas, the rest are Kanej fanatics. Jesper was explaining his master plan at the Omegas’ house earlier that day and a bunch of non-Omegas were hanging out in the house. A lot of them overheard Jesper’s plan for the Kanej cause and they wanted in. Jesper recognized a few from classes or interactions with the crows, but most of them, he had never seen before. He swears that he saw one of them send a text to a group chat or something because the co-op house came over as a pack when he was shoving people out the Detlas’ door with elbows. His face was so desperate as he was gesturing left and right (or the best he could with fireworks in his arms) to signal a diversion that the co-op kids caused a ruckus and threw a stray football at some poor Delta freshman on the second floor (there was a yelp and then a crash and then thunderous steps down the stairs). But Jesper doesn’t know what happened after that because that was when 82% fireworks left the house, and he _bolted_. All Jesper knows is that the Wraith and Dirtyhands have a secret fan club. Jesper wonders if he and Wylan have a fan club.

A high pitched and airy scream rips through the sky. Jesper risks a look back, and he witnesses one of the newly initiated Omegas faceplants in the mud. The fireworks in his arm burrow themselves into the mud. Jesper winces. That’s the guy who completes the 82%. Damnit. He has to drag him or something. Blindly tossing his fireworks to the girl immediately on his right, he salutes her and says, “Be brave and Kanej will be canon!”

The girl throws him a wickedly toothy grin and lets out another deafening chant, “FOR KANEJ!”

The rest of the group whoops in response.

Jesper grins and hops off to the guy still blundering in the mud.

“GO! GO OOOON! go ON WithOUt MeEE,” the guy wails, “do it FoR kanEJ!” He flops over on his back. The fireworks are seven feet away. The Deltas are gaining on this guy, and now Jesper.

“Get up!” Jesper urges. He reaches for his arm and _yanks._ “C’mon! Grab the fireworks, it’s essential to the _plan_ ! GEt UPPPa-aaahHHHHH!” Jesper launches himself to the mud as a Delta launches --was that a godfreaking medicine ball-- _thing_ at his jugular. He squelches as he struggles to get up from the muddy patch. “Get up for the love of Kanej or so help me I’ll tell Matthias it was you who let this operation go to shit,” Jesper hisses on the ground with his face two inches from the man who failed.

With that promise of a threat in Jesper’s eyes, the guy stands up and runs. Away. With nothing. Away from the Deltas and away from Jesper and away from the Kanej fanatics.

Jesper sputters, “You -what -come bac--YOU COWARD!” He slops around in the mud, ruining the awesome shirt Wylan got him for some weird anniversary of something or another, to scoop up the fireworks. The yells of the Deltas are approaching, and honestly, Jesper can’t afford to look up right now. Because if he did, he might have seen the face of death: Deltas with athletic equipment.

Jesper swears he has mud on every surface of his body now (thanks for nothing you coward who held the final of the 82%) as he stands up. Jesper adjusts the fireworks so they’re above his head, and he runs. He’s jumping over ditches and dodging trees and flying over dogs, he’s running and dodging and pushing people out of the way like there’s no tomorrow and he sees the drop off! He is almost at the end of the qua--

Jesper trips on a rock and flies forward down the hill...

Jesper screams as he lands on his stomach with his arms above his head, he squeezes his eyes shut and prays to whatever sick god Kaz does for this stunt to work.

Seconds pass and Jesper doesn’t feel any shattered bones.

Jesper squints an eye open and takes in the situation. He is SLIDING down the hill ((honestly guys, why tf not)) like those penguin animals in Avatar.

Jesper cackles and looks over his shoulder to see Deltas gaping at him.

“What in the fresh hell,” one guy throws his arms up.

“How is he doing that?” Delta dude asks as he rubs his eyes to check he’s seeing clearly.

“Is it even worth it at this point?” A freshman Delta plops onto the ground and pouts with crossed arms.

“This dumb shit,” Delta lackey murmurs with a shake of his head.  

Jesper lifts his middle finger from holding the fireworks and screams, “I _LIVED_ BIIIITCH!”

A chorus of Delta curses and Omega cheers respond.

As Jesper approaches at the bottom of the hill, a pair of faded neon green chucks increases in size in his vision until he comfortably slides to a stop two inches from the shoes. Jesper rolls on his back and greets the owner of said chucks, “Opal!”

“Heeeeeey, man. You lived. Long live Wan Veck.” She hooks her arms underneath his armpits and pulls him up.

“Thanks, but I’m Fahey.” Jesper starts walking off to Point C for Part Two of the plan. “Van Eck is my boyfriend. You called me Fahigh in paintball last year?” No response. “You shot me in the jugular, but then I shot your glasses off your face, and then, you declared I was your best sharpshooter even though I was on the other team, and you called me Fahigh for the rest of the tournament?”

Opal stares at him. “Whaat? Aaall _I_ remember is getting my glasses shot off my face.”

Jesper sighs. “C’mon Ops, you said you’d be weed-free for this.” He looks back at Opal to see she hadn’t moved from when she helped him up. He gestures at her to follow him.

Opal stares at him, then stumbles after him. “Hmm. I remember that. I had weed on me before, but then I remembered that. So, then, to uphold my vow--see? I remembered--I smoked it before I got here.”

“I said you had to be _not_ high too?”

“HmmmmmMMM. Now _that’s_ interesting because I remember asking Ven Welk if he cared if I smoked weed today. And get this, he said _no_!”

“Again, Van Eck is my boyfriend, and I’m Fahe--but whatever, whatever. It’s fine.” Jesper takes a deep breath.” Do you remember when you need to do the thing?” Jesper asks. The timing to this next step is vital for the distraction. He also needs to know Opal knows, so that’s why he asked so vaguely.

Opal opens her mouth, but before she can answer, a frisbee nails Jesper in the temple. He crumbles to the ground.

“Oh damn, maan. That must _hurt_ ! Must hurt like a motherf _luffe_ r.” Opal leans over Jesper’s crumpled state to look at him from above and puts her hands in her pockets.

Jesper lets out a scream of frustration and rubs his temple. Damn fricking Deltas still chasing him.

He sits up. He needs to get the fireworks to Matthias’.

He looks over at Opal to check on her statu--she’s stomping on the frisbee and cursing it out for targeting Jesper (a nice gesture, but he needs Opal to do her job).

Jesper flails to pick up the fallen fireworks. He needs at least nine and a half fireworks to pull this off. He can afford to round down to 78% because it doesn’t look like Opal is going to be carrying any fireworks anytime soon. Opal chucks the frisbee by flinging her arm out in an natural movement that causes the rest of her body to look as if it were made of gelatin; the frisbee doesn’t go far.

Jesper shakes his head and prepares to break into another sprint. He stops when he realizes Opal is sucking on a lollipop--wheredidshegetthat--and staring at the Deltas tumbling down the hill with frisbees in their hands. She needs to get to her post for the next part of the plan. “Opal, hey, what are you doing?”

“Oh.” Pause. “Do you remember the Deltas won ultimate frisbee last year?”

“Opal, no. C’mon. What are you _doing?”_ Jesper struggles to cram the last few fireworks into his arms.

“Hmm?“ Opal bites her lip, twirls the lollipop between her forefinger and thumb, and swivels her head over to him with glazed eyes. She blinks slowly.

“Opal, _GO!”_

Opal blinks slowly again, and then, again. She drops her lollipop. “Shit!” She wakes up. “OH! Now?” She frowns. “Like now now?” Her eyebrows furrow together. “Are you sure?” She looks at her bare wrist as if to check the time. “Like right now?” She points to the ground with two fingers, signaling this exact moment and asks more tentatively, “wait, _now_?”

Jesper’s lets his head hang for a moment before saying yesyesyesyes aggressively.

Opal spits out a wad of gum--what?--and shrugs. “Alrighty, thought you wanted some distance, but I don’t question Fahigh! You led us to victory!” She whips out a match, strikes it--and before Jesper can even process what’s happening--throws it at a firework at his feet.

“OpAL NnnnOO--”

 

**(Thursday Morning at the Nest)**

“And that’s how I lost my eyebrow.” Jesper crows his arms. “I guess it was for a valiant cause. Sacrifices had to be made.” Jesper sniffs.

Wylan deadpans. “Uh huh. My hero.” Wylan turns to Nina. “They have nothing. Their operation was a failure. We’re good to execute Order 66. We’re winning those brag rights.”

Jesper flails. “YOU DON’T KNOW WE DIDN’T SUCCEED!” Nina gives him a look. “Okay, fine, you’re right. I’d be bragging if we succeeded, but how come your plan names are so cool?!” Jesper looks at Matthias. “MAtthIAS! Think of a cool plan nam-”

“No. Not after that “mission” you sent me on for the sake of Kanug, where, in reality, it was a diversion to keep me away from my dORM SO YOU COULD staSH _FIREWORKS_ IN _mY_ LivING SpPAcE.” Matthias stands up to point at Jesper. Jesper opens his mouth to explain himself, but Matthias launches into his Wednesday nigh-

 

**Matthias’ Wednesday Night**

It is a truly disgusting evening to be rustling in the gardens. Sure, Matthias doesn’t care about scuffing up his shoes and dirtying his shorts because he’s army crawling around the muddy patches and prickly bushes, but Matthias should be watching a wolf documentary with Nina right now. Matthias asks himself why he’s following Jesper’s plan... Again.

Allegedly, as Jesper informed him, tonight, the Zeta house is expecting a large fireworks drop off for their legendary, annual beach party this month. Matthias has to intercept the drop off and take those fireworks for Operation We Can Do It Better Than Jason Paul-Pierre (yes, Jesper came up with the horrible name). Jesper told him that it would happen sometime after 7PM. Matthias left his dorm around 6PM so he could make his way over to the furthermost building on campus as well as have time to determine details of the dropoff.

How? Good question. Matthias has yet to think of a way, but his mind is focused on whether or not he should call Nina to make sure she is recording the wolf documentary for him. He has never missed an airing episode for five seasons, and he is only a tiny bit worried a wolf deity is going to strike him with karma. He frowns. Jesper’s charade better not diswade the wolf’ deity’s opinion of Matthias. ((you know those irrational, stupid superstitions everyone has? This is one of Matthias’))

When Matthias reaches the uka plants (they’re tall enough to cover him), Matthias stands up to peak his head above the plant to look into the Zeta house. The nice thing about the Zeta house is their obsession with organization. The lounge area has bulletin, magnet, and dry-erase boards on every wall with social, class, sports, and holiday schedules on various-sized sticky notes that reach every color on the spectrum. Highlighters, pens, and markers are not haphazardly scattered around the room, no. They are in the supply cabinet in their own labeled, color-specific cup. BUT don’t make the mistake of generalizing all the Zetas as stuck up nerds or studyblr admins. The Zetas are renowned for organizing the best school break, off-campus parties. After all, they are receiving a fireworks dropoff.

Point is, Matthias will be able to figure out the details of the dropoff in the Zeta house. It’ll probably be on one of the bulletins. The uka Matthias is standing behind is right outside the kitchen window. Just past the entryway are the bulletins. Matthias leans forward and squints through the open window. He can’t read the bulletin, but he can easily sneak insi-

Someone wearing crocodile oven mitts and a “slap the chief” apron barrels through the entryway with pyrex pan of some orange, innane looking pie of sorts and tosses it into the sink. The boy angrily flicks the oven mitts off and puts on yellow dish gloves. “Fricking Yasmine couldn’t spare my pie, oh noooo!” He snatches the dish soap, unscrews the top, and dumps roughly half of it into the sink. “She just _had_ to throw her little _experimentation_ on to it.” The man picks up the sponge. “Gods! I hope those seven bucks were worth ruining a masterpiece and earning an enemy, just wait, Yasmine, just you wait!” He squeezes the sponge unnecessarily hard while shaking the sponge as if it was Yasmine. Then, the chief proceeds to scrub the pan like a maniac.

The ends of Matthias’ already present frown dips lower as this scene unfolds before him. What are the chances? Matthias glares into the back of the chief. Matthias may have to wait twenty minutes for the man to leave before he climbs through the window. Matthias curses Jesper as he sits underneath the left of the window sill (so he doesn’t bash his head when he stands up). He can hear the rambling of the chief as he cleans the pan, so Matthias will know when the chief is done.

He crosses his arms and thinks of a way to harass Jesper the next time he sees him. Maybe he could buy Laney a biscuit before lab. Any of the interactions with Laney ends in flames, so she’ll be like that during lab. Matthias smiles. Jesper will have to complete a lab with an angrier Laney. Matthias leans back against the house and crosses his legs one over another on the ground. Maybe this entire thing is worth it. He can simultaneously annoy Jesper while avoiding Lan-

An unclean, orange, and crusty pan lands in the ground right next to Matthias. The frown deepens. He hears a flurry of cursing in the kitchen and a couple of crashes. A head pops out the window above Matthias. It’s the chief, and he’s reaching towards the pan.

Matthias reaches over and hands it to the straining arm.

A yelp. The man falls out the window and lands in a mess next to Matthias.

“OH GODS, my PAN!” The man cries and skims his hands over the now cracked pan. “Fricking Yasmine, damn her.” The man looks up at Matthias and his rant stops. The man’s gaze not-so-subtlely drops to Matthias’ chest and back up to his face. The man smirks. “Oh, _hello_ there. _I_ ’m Kai.” He lets go of the pan to stretch his hand to Matthias.

Matthias’ eyes widen when he realizes that he is face to face with a man who doesn’t have the patience to wash a pan, has so little common sense that he thinks it is okay to make a friend outside the Zeta house in the uka gardens and has no common decency to take off the disgusting rubber glove before shaking someone’s hand. _Oh Djel._

He doesn’t shake Kai’s hand. “Matthias,” he says curtly before gracefully standing up and climbing through the window. He runs to the lounge area and is face to face with enough boards of sorts to last him a lifetime.

Kai gasps at the infamous name and shrieks “MaTtHIAS?!” so the rest of the house could hear. A chorus of “Matthias is here?”, “What?!”, “Where?”, “We must recRuiT him!”, and “Who?” echoes off the walls and is followed by thunderous steps down the stairs.

Matthias curses. This is why Matthias refused to join these cultish Greek houses. He quickly scans the wall of calendars on today’s date for anything pertaining to the dropoff. All he sees on today’s marked day across the calendars is Paula’s birthday, Yogurtland 50% off coupon expires, before 7AM: cook breakfast, 10AM: juggling club, 2PM: leave to visit Grandma Elsie, 5PM: rudely decline the invite to Brad’s wedding, after 7PM: prevent Matthias from leaving by any means necessary-

“Son of a bit-”

Matthias’ kidney is hit by a pyrex pan, and all Matthias sees as he is tackled by two Zetas is 7PM: weekly National Geographic Wolf Documentary.

 

**(Thursday Morning at the Nest)**

“And do you know the worst part? The Zetas were able to do it! They physically restrained and mentally exhausted me long enough for you to pull off your true plan _and_ long enough for me to miss the wolf documentary!” Matthias’ feet are slipping on the ground as both of Nina and Wylan’s arms are hooked around his torso and legs to prevent him from strangling Jesper.

“Hey! It’s going to work, okay? It’s going to end up alright, and Operation Kanej will be a success! Anyway, can’t you watch the documentary whenever you want? Nina recorded it! Right, Nina?” Jesper desperately looks at Nina as he leans back in his bean bag to stay out of Matthias’ reach.

Nina blinks.

“Nina? You did record it, right?” Jesper asks although he knows the answer from Nina’s hesitation already.

Nina gives Jesper a look to shut up, but Matthias relaxes the tiniest bit to glance at Nina.

“Little red bird? You did, right?” Matthias asks as he reaches for Jesper’s collar. It’s a hairs length from his reach. Jesper is craning his neck away.

Nina looks at Jesper apologetically before she lets her hold on Matthias go.

At that moment with Wylan reaching for his ice cream cup four feet away from Matthias smashing Jesper’s ice cream cone into his ear and Nina guilty watching, Kaz walks in holding an ice cream cone in each hand with Inej next to him carrying a bubble tea in each hand.


	9. Not a Sick Cliche

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's an injured cliche. An injured cliche between Inej and Kaz. Time for some kanej.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOOOOOO! HI! I'm so proud that I wrote this in a week. GASP. It might be really bad/cheesy, but I'll edit whenever. (I didn't edit AT ALL) I'm just so excited to get it out! Warning, it's a short chapter, sorry. Maybe I'll add some more later...
> 
> AND don't treat your physical pain like Kaz. Go get physical therapy or some other healthy way of recovering. Kaz ain't a responsible adult. 
> 
> But lol I can't write from Kaz's perspective for real, so I write from a drunk Kaz pov.
> 
> ENJOY

Kaz lets the apartment door close before he grits his teeth in pain.

“Damn leg.” He looks at his bad leg in disdain.

Kaz started his business internship in the city today. It’s a short train ride away into the city, but it’s a mile from the station to the building. Kaz walked the route because he can’t stand to be in the crowded subways and buses ((his touch-phobia thing)). Wylan suggested he take an Uber/Lyft to the building, but Kaz would rather pull out his tooth than spend his money on a car service when he certainly doesn’t need one. He can take a little pain. It’s a reminder of being alive. That’s all.

But it probably didn’t help that Kaz _also_ didn’t use his cane because that “gives off the wrong type of persona.” Kaz knew what Nina meant: the crow head cane was too badass for the professional work world. So, logically, Kaz walked on his bad leg for a mile without his cane.

He flings his work bag by the shoe mat and gingerly slips his work shoes off. The internship was a little bit more work Kaz had anticipated, but he was okay with having to use a little brain power on day one. That means it only gets harder, and Kaz thrives on challenges.

A throb from knee reminds him he has enough of a problem to deal with right now. Kaz rolls his neck and then limps to the freezer to grab a bag of frozen onions. He picks up a six pack of beer from the fridge (thanks Jesper) and snatches a clean dish rag. He places his things on the counter within arms length of the stools. He carefully takes his pants off so he doesn’t aggravate his leg anymore than it is aggravating to him. He’s left in his boxers as he eases himself onto the counter stool. He grunts as he lifts his bad leg onto the stool next to him. The dish rag goes on top of his knee and then the bag of frozen onions goes on top of that.

Kaz opens one of the beers, downs it, and gags. He’s always hated the taste of beer, but he sighs. He feels the beer warming his belly. He would never admit to it, of course, but Kaz is a lightweight. The only reason Inej and Jesper knew was because of their high school years together. Otherwise, no living soul would know. Most people, even the rest of the crows, think Kaz can’t afford to be drunk and wasted because he has things to do, lives to ruin, and money to earn. But, they aren’t wrong.

Being a lightweight comes in handy since alcohol affects him so quickly. It’s a medicinal practice Kaz has learned to appreciate over the years of having a never-quite-healed-properly leg. It’s a terrible habit his brother caught him doing, but it wasn’t like they could afford any effective painkillers, physical therapy, or surgery. His brother let him do it every now and then without reprimanding him too harshly. But now, with his own place, he can use beer as his painkiller if he wants to.

Kaz takes the empty beer bottle and tosses it in the direction of the recycling. It misses. It breaks. Whatever, Kaz can get it later.

He leans back in the stool while gripping the bottom of the stool. He stays at a 45 degree-angle for awhile. Or maybe not awhile. Kaz doesn’t have a very good perception of time once he starts drinking. It all vanishes into the void, ya know?

He hangs his head while angling his body at the 45 degree angle. He stares at the rafters. He almost expects Inej to be relaxing up there swinging her legs. He sighs. She’s been lurking in his conscious thoughts more than usual. Mundane, fleeting thoughts that leave him unsettled. When did Kaz start to expect her to be everywhere? He knows she has been one of his closest friends for the longest time, but he could say the same about Jesper, and Kaz doesn’t expect Jesper to be in the rafters.

Kaz lets his good leg dangle off the stool and cranes his neck back so he can feel the rush of blood to his head. Hmmm, wonderful. Kaz can’t hear his stupid heart thoughts anymore. He hums a tune to a Beatles song he doesn’t know the name of but is pretty sure he heard someone sing it to him sometime in his life. He loses his balance and lifts up his bad leg to instinctively stabilize himself.

He murmurs, “fuck,” and sits up normally. He leans over his leg and massages the inflamed area. It doesn’t feel any better after what Kaz thinks has been seven minutes. He curses again and lies down across all four stools with two beers in one hand. He twirls the tops of the beers in his hand. He needs to lose feeling in his knee again. With one arm thrown over his eyes, he closes his eyes and waits for the cold to seep into the joints and muscles of his leg. He lets out a heavy breath saying, “Thissucksthissucksthissucksthissuscks _so_ muchFUCK.” He draws in a shaky breath.

Hell. This hurts. This _sucks_.

But Kaz be damned (more than he already is) because he isn’t going to do anything about it. Does that make him insane? Making the same mistake over and over again expecting a different result? Hmmm. Maybe. Maybe Kaz is insane.

No. No, he’s not. He’s sane because how else would he have been able to pull off all his blackmailing operations? It wasn’t with an insane mind that’s for sure. _Well_ , a smart person doesn’t necessarily mean they’re sane either. Does it matter if he’s sane or insane? He can still think of sweet plans that take down the world.

Agh, what the heck? UGh, Kaz may be less coherent to feel his pain, but damn, he hates his alcohol thoughts. They’re such _stupid_ thoughts.

He drags his hands across his eyes. He can’t wait until he passes out. Then, his pain and thoughts will be lost in the realm of dreams.

Kaz slowly blinks at the ceiling.

He takes back what he thought before. He doesn’t want to pass out. His alcohol dreams are the worst.

A certain someone always makes an appearance in his alcohol dreams. It’s nothing too much, but it’s just enough to unnerve Kaz. in his dreams, if Kaz is standing in his childhood room and painting alongside his brother, Inej will walk past the doorway in the corner of Kaz’s eyes. Whenever he directly looks at her, she always vanishes. Kaz hates whatever feeling he always feels when Inej vanishes when he looks at her. It’s an unfriendly feeling, and it feels too real... for a dream.

Kaz sips some more beer. He needs to reach a nice, balanced limbo where no pain, no thoughts, and no feelings exist.

He stretches his hand up above him and slowly removes the glove. The glove falls to the ground and Dirtyhands watches as the streetlight spills onto his hand. He softly flutters each finger to observe the light hitting his hand. The paleness of his own hands always surprises Kaz. Sure, he wears gloves all the time, so his hand doesn’t get a lick of sunlight, but it’s so pale it could pass as ghostly pale. Kaz can’t help but think how fitting that is. A ghost that haunts the minds of his enemies. Hmm... Kaz toasts to that with his other hand and takes another sip.

He slowly twists his wrist back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. The tendons in his hands, the veins... how peculiar. Kaz wonders what one of Inej’s gypsy friends thinks of his hands. What fortune would they tell him? What read would they receive from the lines on his hands? His ghostly hands?

Kaz hums. Maybe he’ll try at the next carnival.

Kaz snorts. As if.

He takes another swig of beer and begins to massage his knee again. He grits his teeth as he does. It’s a strange trade off. The cold holds the muscles in place, almost like pausing the pain. Any movement almost cancels out the numbness. Massaging, however, hurts in a nice way; it feels like Kaz is physically pushing out the pain of his knee outwards, except the pain doesn’t quite end. Kaz massages here and there, but he usually goes for the numbing method.

After a few minutes of massaging, he lies back down onto the counter chairs. He lets his arms dangle off the chairs. Kaz begins to swing his beer bottle up and down at the extension of his arm.

“Tch.” Inej nudges the shards of glass aside with the point of her socked foot ((DO NOT DO THIS! INEJ IS JUST SO SUPER SKILLED)).

Kaz internally groans. He stops swinging the beer. He didn’t know Inej would be home this early. He turns his head to look at the crow-shaped clock (courtesy of the crew) hanging from the rafter. Huh. Guess it’s pretty late.

Kaz runs his ungloved hand through his hair, lets out a sigh, and throws an arm back over his eyes. He lets his beer bottle arm dangle.

“Sorry about the mess,” Kaz softly says to the ceiling.

Inej doesn’t respond, but Kaz suddenly feels the weight of his pack of peas lift from his knee. Kaz barely lifts the arm off his face to scrutinize Inej. She is wearing an old competitive gymnastics sweatshirt and her normally tight braid is swept up into a bun. She probably just came from gymnastics practice or running or recon or something. Maybe she came from a hangout with the other crows. Kaz doesn’t remember. He doesn’t remember what Inej was supposed to be doing tonight. Kaz barely remembers what day it is.

Inej replaces the no longer cold pack of peas with a new pack of peas straight from the freezer. She does it so gingerly that Kaz can barely feel the switch. He isn’t sure how he doesn’t feel the switch because it could either be from the beer or the numbness or Inej’s feather touch. Kaz doesn’t know.

Inej’s eyes lift to Kaz’s underneath the small sliver of space he made by lifting his arm. All he sees in the depths of her brown eyes is nothing but her normal gaze.

Kaz drops his arm onto his face.

“Thank you.” _Thank you for not treating me like I’m weak._ Kaz said it so softly that he isn’t even sure he said it out loud.

Inej gives no response to confirm if she heard it or not, but she does grab a beer. She takes a few sips from the bottle before retiring to her usual perch on the rafters. “Good thing you didn’t pursue your athletics because your hand-eye coordination _sucks_.” She gestures towards the broken beer bottles.

“Huh.” Kaz grins from underneath his arm. “That must explain why I’m a such a _terrible_ magician.”

Inej laughs.

Kaz’s lips twitch, threatening to break into a smile. He feels a little bit light headed and thinks the alcohol reached his heart because it skipped a stupid beat.

After a few minutes spent recovering from laughing, Inej fiddles with the beer bottle cap. She rolls it between her index finger and her thumb. “You’ll have to show me how you managed to swap Rosa’s phone. I was watching every second, and I can’t when you made the swap.”

Kaz smirks. He mastered street magic tricks and pickpocketing techniques in primary school. He taught himself in order to steal every cent of the money the middle school bullies shook from their victims. Kaz used that money to hatch the ultimate payback plan to traumatize the bullies. The plan was so devious that even Jesper cannot top it (Jesper often refers to it as Kaz’s prankster brain’s brain baby). Inej still isn’t sure how the plan was executed--because gods forbid Kaz tells her all the details of a plan--but it involved zip ties, moldy cheese, jalapenos, fives years worth of memes, flip phones, sticky tack, and the gutted bodies of the bullies’ beloved stuffed animals.

“Of course,” Kaz says smugly, “but what would your gods say, Little Wraith?”

No response.

Kaz waits. He feels Inej will respond to this one.

Something flies against the neck of his beer bottle, a hair away from his fingers, and it startles Kaz enough (in his drunken state) that he drops the bottle. It shatters on the tile below him and a clink sounds off a foot or so away.

Kaz lifts up his arm to deadpan at Inej. She had flung the beer bottle cap at the neck of his beer bottle.

He can practically _hear_ the smugness radiating off of her. She lies on her back on the rafter with one leg bent, one leg dangling, and arms folded behind her head. She turns her head towards him with a crooked grin.

“Jesper showed me that trick. Remind me to thank him the next time we see him.” Inej, then, smiles softly. “Goodnight, Kaz.” She turns on her side and looks toward their wallside window.

Kaz gives a small, “sleep well, Inej,” as he closes his eyes.

\----------

Kaz wakes up with a packet of frozen vegetable greens on his knee, a stitched blanket that Inej’s family gifted him covering his body, and his crow pillow pet under his head. As he sits up, Kaz realizes there’s a sticky note on his stomach: _The broom is against chair back. Clean up the glass, Houdini._ Also on the sticky is a poorly drawn cartoon of the counter, stools, and a stick figure with a frown and crow tee shirt stepping on jagged lines (that Kaz can only assume is glass) with a squiggle pool labeled blood connected to the stick figure’s foot. The stick figure has an arrow pointing to it, labeling it Kaz. Stick figure Kaz has a speech bubble that says, “I’m a bad magic man.”

Kaz shakes his head, but can’t help but to smile.

 

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